Hitched
by AlKiMi
Summary: I don't want to give much away, and I'm awful at summaries, but in short, Howard is getting married and Vince is jealous.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay guys, this is my first ever fanfic for anything, so PLEASE don't be too hard on me. This first chapter isn't going to be very interesting, I'm afraid, but you'll have to stick with it until I can, y'know, set the scene. Any reviews are welcome, and I hope you enjoy it!**

**Warning: There's a lot of angst coming up in later chapters, and probably language.**

**Disclaimer: All I own is the storyline.**

The flat was shrouded in darkness when a drunken Vince Noir entered, stumbling in his Chelsea boots, trying not to wake the other residents in his intoxicated stupor. He staggered to the couch, the nearest solid surface to the stairs, and collapsed onto it, dragging a cushion to cover his eyes and groaning slightly as the room swirled around him. What would Howard say when he found him like this in the morning? He would inevitably come out of their shared bedroom to open up the shop – he always got up first, no matter what. If a meteorite hit, he'd still be up at the kitchen counter, brewing coffee at six a.m. That was one of the things Vince treasured the most about his best friend – although he could be annoying at times (okay, most of the time), you could count on Howard.

He lay there a little while longer, trying to muster enough energy to drag himself from the couch and through to their room, but his head was pounding and his legs felt like jelly. Slowly, he eased himself up on one elbow, anticipating the walls spinning but failing to right himself when they did, he almost rolled off onto the floor. He'd had way too much to drink, and he regretted it now, but there was a pretty girl at the bar and he'd been chatting her up. They'd snuck out into the back alley of the club five minutes later – apparently all the girl (he hadn't bothered to find out her name) had required to be persuaded was a couple of cheap vodka shots – and she had pressed him up against the grimy wall. Everything from then on was a blur – he had managed to hail a taxi back to the flat once they had finished, and the girl had slipped her mobile number into his jacket pocket as he had turned to flee. He fumbled for it now, glancing at the scruffy print, the ink from the ballpoint she had used blotting a little in his hands. He tore the slip of paper up quickly, and dumped it into a nearby bin. He wasn't going to call her. She hadn't even been _that _pretty, now that he thought about it. One eye bigger than the other, and a rogue blemish on her right cheek. A relationship was the last thing he needed, Vince decided as he dragged himself up off the couch. He needed to shower, to wash the smell of sweat and body odor off his body, but he couldn't put sleep off any longer.

The bedroom door opened with a creak as Vince was about to open it himself, and he found himself face to face with his best friend, who was frowning condescendingly down at the smaller man. Vince rubbed his eyes, not sure if he was experiencing an alcohol-induced hallucination or not. Howard, up before dawn? It was practically unheard of – the maverick was constantly insisting that he get at least eight hours sleep a night. It was part of the reason he hated parties – he couldn't stand the masses of people in the flat past ten p.m., it drove him insane when the bedroom was ransacked so that eager fans of the band could rifle through Vince's wardrobe, interrupting his attempted slumber.

However, the image of Howard in the doorway, dressed in a pair of rumpled pyjamas, with his limp brown hair sticking up at all angles, refused to fade away even when Vince pinched himself to make sure he wasn't prematurely dreaming. Howard stifled a yawn as he looked questioningly down at Vince.

"Hey," he said awkwardly, scuffing his boots on the scruffy carpet by their door. Howard shook his head slightly, and tried to push past Vince.

"What's up?" Vince wondered, squinting to make out Howard's expression in the murky darkness of the hallway. He didn't reply immediately – it looked as if he was trying to read Vince's mind. He giggled at the thought.

"You're drunk," Howard stated. It wasn't a question.

"Just a bit," Vince managed, still giggling. Howard jabbed a thumb in the direction of the bedroom.

"You'd better go through, then, shouldn't you?"

"Uh… What are you doin' up?" Vince slurred, still hovering in the doorway. Howard bit his bottom lip, looking slightly shiftier than usual.

"Just going through to get a glass of water. Why? Am I not allowed to be up after you?"

"I just… I just thought I might've woken you. Sorry if I did, I-" Vince cut off abruptly, sighing. He studied his friend for a second longer before allowing him to pass into the hallway.

"I wasn't asleep," Howard said shortly before disappearing into the kitchen. Vince flopped down on his bed and closed his eyes – he was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Howard felt bad for lying to Vince, but he consoled himself with the knowledge that the younger man had brought it on himself. He poured a glass of water for himself at the sink anyway, sipped it to calm his nerves for a while by the kitchen counter before draining the glass and leaning shakily against the fridge. He was crazy for doing this, but he had already said yes, and besides, the sleeping man in his bedroom was enough to send him into a nervous frenzy.

_Keep it together, Moon, _he whispered sternly to himself, and ducked into the bathroom where he had hidden a stash of clothes earlier in the day. He had expected Vince to return late, so he had taken precautions.

The suit he had picked out was classy – the outfit didn't contain even a hint of Hawaiian patterns, and there was hardly any beige, unless you counted the hat he perched atop his head. He'd even selected elbow patches to match the dark suit – a daring chestnut as opposed to the lighter muffin he'd originally picked out.

Howard glanced in the full-length mirror Vince had installed in the bathroom, scrutinized his reflection in the glass for a few moments, wondering if he was becoming as vain as his other half. He shook his head quickly, satisfied with his image, and left the flat, trying hard not to slam the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, here's the chapter I promised - sorry it's a bit late! Things are starting to pick up a little, but the story might still be a little vague, so you'll have to bear with me, guys. All will be revealed - I promise!**

**Thanks to my reviewers so far, I love you!**

**Disclaimer: All I own is the story, which, admittedly, isn't very good, but still!**

The night was cold and the only streetlight on the road leading to the club was flickering and dim. Howard left the _Nabootique _through the back entrance, cutting across the road and down an empty sidestreet before he reached the final road. He could see the building where they had arranged to meet, half hidden by the shadow of the opposing office blocks and the twenty-four hour kebab shop, which lay adjacent to the dingy jazz club.

Howard checked his watch as he crossed the road, not bothering to check for traffic since the area was practically abandoned, and it was too late at night for anyone to come driving around here anyway. He half expected to be ambushed by a group of feisty chavs, but he reached the pavement unscathed.

Ten minutes past two a.m., he observed, too late to be awake, never mind strolling the streets of Dalston. She had better turn up soon, or he would have to head back before Vince awoke and noticed his absence – not that that would be an expected occurrence. He was probably going to sleep in 'till noon, and then drag himself downstairs nursing a hangover. Howard decided, probably against his better judgment, that he was doing the right thing, avoiding returning to the shop for as long as possible. Besides, the night held a million possibilities – if it was a reflection of what the afternoon had held for him, this could only lead to brighter things. Maybe he would get away from the shop for good this time - no more messing around watching Vince straighten his hair in the mornings, no more empty threats about wanting to become a bin-man again, no more sad memories about the zoo and how things used to be before Vince started to abandon him slowly.

Ten more minutes passed, and Howard grew wary of a figure watching him from around the corner. Slowly, he averted his gaze to the floor and watched a broken beer bottle roll its way down the gutter, but he sensed the figure drawing closer.

"Who is it?" he called suddenly, surprising even himself. The figure broke into a jog and approached him, a grin spreading slowly across her face.

"You came!" she exclaimed, embracing him quickly, before he could enforce the 'don't touch me' rule. The woman, slightly shorter than he was, and a million times more beautiful, looked genuinely pleased that he had turned up.

"I promised I would, didn't I? Howard Moon doesn't break his promises, no sir!" He was stalling, and it was obvious to both of them. The woman slipped her hand into his and led him around the corner where she had originally been standing.

"So, uh, are we going in?" Howard asked, nodding towards the door of the jazz club. He had been promised an evening of live jazz and drinks, but the club looked as if it had been abandoned for months, years, even.

"Of course," she replied, still grinning. With a flourish, she opened the door, allowing him to enter before she did. The entrance led to a small cloakroom, about the size of his half of the bedroom, with a few dirty jackets hung up around it. Neither of the pair decided to remove theirs – choosing instead to head for the staircase at the back of the room, which led to the basement. This was where the gig was apparently being held, but Howard wasn't entirely sure he trusted this stranger, albeit striking and incredibly interesting, but also nobody he would usually associate with. Howard went down the stairs first, and she followed, her heels clacking on the linoleum.

"You're going to love this…" she announced as they took seats. The room was hardly bustling – there were only three other people in the club – but the stage was set up already, smoke billowing out from behind the curtains. She ordered them drinks as the band took to the stage, and they sipped from matching glasses, synchronized. Howard decided that he loved it already, especially when the trumpet solo began. The alcohol flooded his system and made his insides feel warmer than they had in years. The stranger's presence was warming him, also – he couldn't keep his gaze away from her perfect face for longer than a few seconds, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he worried that she might find him strange.

How was it that he had only known her a few hours, but felt like they had been together for years?

_He was just about to close up the shop when she entered, the bell above the door tinkling as she headed over to the counter. She flicked her hair out of her face as she approached, smiling hesitantly at Howard, where he stood with a mug of coffee by the till. He was wary when returning the smile – she was probably looking for Vince, or else asking for directions – the shop wasn't exactly a designer outlet._

"_Hi, I was wondering if you could tell me where-"_

"_He's upstairs," Howard snapped, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. Of course she was looking for Vince, what else could she possibly want?_

"_Um… excuse me?" _

"_You're looking for Vince, right? He's upstairs. Would you like me to call him down for you?"_

"_I'm sorry, I don't know who you're talking about. I was in the area, and, um, I heard there was a concert tonight? There's supposed to be a jazz club around here somewhere, I'm just not sure where…"_

_Howard's ears pricked up, "J-jazz club?" His mind was racing ahead of him – he imagined their wedding day, their future children, how he would start them off on scat and then gradually move on to jazz-funk-_

"_Yes, I heard there was something going on tonight? I just wondered if you could help me, I saw your records in the window…"_

_It was true – he'd made sure to display his precious jazz records in the murky shop window, opposite Vince's off-cuts (which, he had to admit, had been a best-seller) and some Gary Numan tapes he had 'unintentionally' left lying around on the main display stand. Was it ridiculous to hope that those records would draw in his soul mate – someone as unconditionally devoted to jazz as he was? If this woman was anything to go by, obviously not._

"_Well, there's the one a few blocks away from here…" He was thinking of all the nights he and Lester had spent at the same jazz club – surely he'd know if there was going to be a concert tonight?_

"_Oh, that must be it, then. Could you give me directions? If it's not too much to ask?" _

"_Of course not!" Howard managed a smile, and rattled off the directions to the club, trying to ignore his trembling hands and the quiver in his voice. The woman took it all in, and wrote the name of the club on the back of her hand, still smiling at him. Howard felt his heart flutter. She was so… perfect._

"_Would you mind terribly if I took a look at those records? Quite a collection you have going there!" _

"_Of course not! Feel free to browse at your leisure. I'm sure we could… do some sort of deal…" He tried not to sound seductive (or his best impression of it, anyway) but he wasn't sure it worked. Everything was starting to sound sort of sexual. He wasn't sure if he liked it or not._

_She floated to the front of the shop, and he wondered if she was going to dart out of the door because the whole ordeal had been a dare or some sick, miserable joke, but she proceeded to flick through the collection of mint records, her eyes lighting up at regular intervals. Howard didn't even notice when Vince came downstairs, wondering why he hadn't joined him in front of the TV yet. Vince left as soon as he saw that there was still a potential customer in the shop – he didn't want to get involved, and if Naboo found out that he had been slacking off work again… he cringed at the consequences._

"_These are… fabulous," the stranger said after at least fifteen minutes of examining the records, "Are they all for sale?"_

"_Every last one," Howard lied. He had left some in there to attract customers, some that he never intended to actually _sell_, but she was so pretty, and… He hadn't been able to stop the words before they had come rushing out of his mouth._

"_How much?" She sounded distracted, entranced by the cover of one of the more rare vinyl's, but he didn't mind in the slightest._

"_Just… take them, " he told her, unaware of what he had just said. She frowned at him, her brow creasing in a way that was almost endearing._

"_You can't just give these away! They're in great condition, they're really something-"_

"_Really. Just… take whatever you want. Take the whole box, if you'd like."_

"_Are- Are you sure?"_

"_Of course. It's not as if anyone else has ever really been interested… Just take whichever you like."_

"_You are… you're quite something, too. Say, you wouldn't… You wouldn't be interested in coming along tonight, would you? To the concert? With… with me?"_

_Howard needed a moment to take in what she had proposed, but once her words had sunk in, he reacted immediately, "That sounds… fantastic."_

_It was only seconds later that his old friend paranoia settled in – this was clearly an elaborate prank, probably set up by Vince or Lester or maybe even Leroy, who occasionally popped into the shop to see if Vince was around. Howard tried to suppress his fears and helped the woman shift the heavy box of records to her car, which was a couple of streets away. She gave him a grateful smile, offered him money for them once again, which he quickly refused, and slammed the car door shut before turning back to him._

"_Oh, I'm Evelyn, by the way. I'm… not from around here."_

"_No, you're not," Howard murmured, slightly mesmerized by the way her eyes sparkled in the sunlight, momentarily distracted. Evelyn spared him another perfect smile before, rendering him speechless again, and causing him to completely lose track of what he was about to say._

"_And you are…?" Her question was left unanswered for a good minute, before Howard gathered his thoughts enough to reply. _

"_Howard Moon, at your service." He couldn't help but smile and grace her with a half-bow. It made her laugh, he realized as she leaned in to kiss him swiftly on the cheek._

"_Well, I'll meet you at the club tonight, Mr. Moon. Say… around two?"_

"_Two… in the morning?" Howard tried not to sound alarmed by the lateness of her proposal, but his voice betrayed him._

"_Yes, silly! It's sort of an exclusive gathering. Invitation only. You can be my plus one, okay?"_

_He didn't have the strength to argue – he could only nod like a simpleton. Evelyn gave him one last little wave before ducking into her car and starting the engine. He watched her drive away, and it was only after she had been gone for ten minutes that the doubts began to creep back into his mind and he dragged himself away from the curb and trudged slowly back to the shop._


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, well I'm not entirely sure this chapter makes much sense - it's sort of late, and a bit rushed, so forgive the extra-long sentences, okay? Oh, and sorry about the American spelling, as well - I couldn't figure out how to alter the settings on Word.**

**Anyway, thanks to all my reviewers so far - much love goes out to you! Even you, Rachel, because you're reading this even though you've never even watched the show... apart from that awful time with me and Kirsten. So, yeah. All reviews are welcome! I'm really sorry if this chapter is awful, by the way. And it's a bit short. **

**Disclaimer: You know the drill. I own the storyline (and I'm not exactly proud of it).**

Howard wasn't entirely aware of how much time had passed in the smoky darkness of the club, but he was still rooted to his chair by the time the band finished their last set and Evelyn drained her glass of… What had they even been drinking? He couldn't remember – he'd let her order for him, and he'd lost count of how many times she'd been to and from the bar. He allowed himself to get lost in the music, and forget everything around him, everything except her. She wasn't paying much attention to the band, actually, considering she'd been the one to invite him here in the first place. Evelyn was purely captivated by Howard himself, and, as much as he had tried to convince himself otherwise, he was irresistibly drawn to her – to the mysterious scent of her overpowering perfume, to the glint in her eye every time they shared a glance, to the clasp she wore in her hair… He wasn't sure, actually, that she was looking at him until she had gone to the bathroom, apparently to fix her make-up, because she came back with a freshly applied coat of cherry-coloured lip-gloss, although she didn't point this out to him. Anyway, she had paused in the hallway, obviously unaware of Howard's eyes straying from the stage to rest on her as she fiddled around with her purse and adjusted her dress, which, he noted, was a darker shade of red than her make-up, and didn't leave much to the imagination. While she stood there, gazing blatantly at Howard, he had realized then that it wasn't just his pathetic imagination – she had really intended this as a date, or maybe she was sizing him up before she planned to rob him on the dark street outside… but either way, he couldn't ignore the signals she was paying him, nor the feeling that bloomed inside him as he considered – properly considered, this time – the possibility of this going somewhere. His pipe dreams whilst he had been waiting outside weren't just dreams anymore, or, he reasoned, at least not that unlikely.

When Evelyn returned to the table, he decided he would play it cool, let her make the first move – after all, he was completely inexperienced with this sort of thing, the disastrous game of spin the bottle at his last birthday party was a constant reminder of that, and then his proclamation of homosexuality on the rooftop… The events of that night were enough to make him shudder even while he was so close to Evelyn in the club, and it was painfully obvious that he was not, nor ever would be, gay, at least not completely, not while she was by his side, humming along to the music with a drink in her hand.

The final notes of the last song slowly died away, and the band began to pack up their things on stage. Howard was feeling self-conscious as he rushed to use the bathroom to tidy himself up before they left, leaving Evelyn by herself at the table, smiling bemusedly at how clumsy he was when he stood up, almost knocking his chair over in a desperate attempt to untangle himself as quickly as possible from the awkward silence at the table.

Howard scrutinized his own reflection for a long time in the wide mirror in the bathroom, running his fingers through his hair as if this could somehow make it more like Vince's. He remembered the man at home with a pang in his heart – how would he ever be able to smuggle Evelyn into the flat without waking his best friend? And what would Vince say if… if they woke up together? They couldn't go into the bedroom, obviously, he couldn't bear to think of what would happen if the younger man woke up while they were- The couch, he decided, was the better option, but there was still an agonizingly large chance of someone walking in on them…

He shook his head to clear it. He was overthinking things again. All this useless planning could only ever come in handy if – and that was such a massive, insanely huge _if_ – Evelyn decided to return to the flat with him. _If _she was actually interested in the eccentric, acquired taste that was Howard Moon (which, based on the past, was so unlikely that it made him wince when he realized that he hardly stood a chance). _If _he hadn't blown things crazily out of proportion within the confines of his own mind.

Howard reminded himself that this could only ever work out if he just went with the flow of things, and prepared to exit the bathroom. _Spontaneous_, he thought, _be spontaneous_. One last glance in the mirror, one last smoothing down of his tie and one more defeated pluck of the crows' feet gathering around his eyes, and he was ready to go.

Evelyn hadn't brought her car with her to the club, sensing that she'd be too far gone to drive before the night was out, so the couple hailed a taxi back to the flat, since Howard wasn't sure his wobbly legs would support him the whole way back. She leaned her head on his shoulder when they were safely inside the cab, and he managed to relax through the soft haze of the alcohol enough to allow the feeling of her skin on his own. Besides, he reasoned, if they were going to be... _you know_, pretty soon, he'd have to adjust quickly to the sensation.

The drive was much shorter than he'd anticipated, and when the cab pulled up outside the shop, he had to help Evelyn out of the vehicle because she had collapsed into a fit of giggles. Whether this was brought on by the thought of actually going inside with him, or if it was purely because of the alcohol, he couldn't be sure, but he could, at least, take her hand as they wobbled up to the entrance together. Howard wasn't sure he'd be able to locate the back entrance in the pressing darkness – it wasn't even sunrise yet, although it felt as if they'd been at the club for hours – so he fumbled with his key and managed to get the door to the shop open.

Evelyn stumbled in ahead of him, heels in hand, and planted a huge, sloppy kiss on Howard's cheek as he tried to lock up again, shushing her as he pointed to the staircase, trying to sign that people were upstairs, and most likely sleeping. Evelyn was having none of it – she continued to kiss the whole length of his jaw, and Howard smiled involuntarily.

"You're just no fun…" she said, pouting as he made for the stairs, "Why don't we stay down here for a little while…?" The suggestiveness in her tone made Howard's heart flutter.

"I am fun!" he insisted, trying to convince himself more than he was her, "I'm just looking out for the others… We have work in the morning-" His complaints were soon silenced by Evelyn's lips, and somehow they ended up pressed against the counter, and anything that happened afterwards held no concern for his flat mates.

Vince woke at about noon, with a pounding headache and extreme bed-head. He fixed himself up in the bedroom, hardly noticing Howard's absence from the room because he took it for granted that his friend would naturally be up earlier than he was, especially in this state. Only once he was satisfied with the volume of his hair, the straightness of the fringe, the angle of the back-comb, did he leave the bedroom, dressed in a more subtle outfit than he usually would have chosen, especially on a working day – a bright purple jumpsuit, a huge pair of dark shades, and knee-high silver boots.

He was about to make himself coffee when he noticed that the kitchenette hadn't been touched all morning, or else it had been tidied thoroughly – not uncommon for his best friend, but slightly unusual. There were no mugs left in the sink, no coffee tins left out, and no water stains around the sink. Frowning, Vince turned to the lounge area and gasped at what he saw lying on the couch – Howard, and a woman.

A _woman._


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, so here's the latest chapter... I don't think much is happening in this one, but I'm planning to sort of get things started in the next chapter, so stick with me!**

**Special thanks to Amaryllis3121 and CherryTroi for your lovely reviews, and for subscribing! And thanks to Rachel again for carrying on with this even though you don't necessarily get it. Oh, and to Abbie, for being my first reviewer :)**

**Disclaimer: I only own the storyline. Sorry if it's crappy.**

It took Vince a long time to register what his eyes were telling him to believe, but even after standing with his gaze locked on the sleeping couple for a good five minutes, he still couldn't comprehend the change in his best friend. He'd seen him sleeping off a hangover more times than he could count, but never this late in the day, and _never_ with a woman cradled in his arms. He remembered stumbling into the flat the night before, and blocking Howard from the bedroom doorway… but hadn't he said something about going to get a glass of water? It had been at least one when he had returned from whichever club he had decided to show his face in, and surely Howard wouldn't have left the house after then…

There was only one reasonable explanation, Vince concluded, dashing back to the kitchenette to grab the kettle he had put on to boil. He judged that it was about half-ready, and it was the first thing he thought to grab. He damn near vaulted the counter in his haste to rescue his best friend from the clutches of this obviously evil woman. They were half-covered with a silk throw that he must have left lying around, but he couldn't see any clothes beneath that. He was about to swing the kettle and let the boiling water spill on the intruder when Howard woke up, blinking slowly, raising an arm to rub his eyes. Vince froze – Howard would do something once he realized that the woman was taking up his personal space, he'd enforce the no-touching rule, he'd scream and push her off him-

Howard didn't do any of these things. Instead, he raised both hands in a surrender gesture, reminding Vince that he was still holding a potentially dangerous weapon in his right hand.

"What the hell's goin' on?" Vince yelled, waving the kettle precariously. Howard winced as hot water sloshed onto the carpet.

"Vince, calm down! Why- why do you have that? Put it back before you do some serious damage!" Howard barked. Vince frowned, clearly confused, backing away from the couch.

"Who's that woman?" Vince whispered, his voice breaking. The woman was stirring anyway, stretching slowly and sleepily, almost knocking Howard in the face.

"Oh, Vince, this is…"

"What, you slept with 'er and you don't even remember 'er name?" Vince yelped, incredulous. He wasn't entirely sure why he was getting so frustrated – it wasn't his problem if Howard chose to sleep around. It was just that… before this, he'd never seen Howard with a woman before. Or a man, for that matter. Howard was forever the bachelor.

He refused to even consider the possibility that he might be _jealous_. Hadn't he been with a woman just hours ago? Sure, he didn't remember _her _name, either – he didn't think she mentioned one – but Howard didn't strike him as that sort of person. Howard _wasn't _that type of person.

He told himself that he was just stressed, that in his moment of hesitation, he had jumped to the rash conclusion of Howard was sleeping around. That was why he was angry.

He wasn't jealous at all. Of either of them.

"This is Evelyn," Howard said, confirming that the hesitation hadn't been a lapse in memory, but a hesitation to spare Vince's feelings. The younger man winced as Evelyn burrowed closer into Howard's chest.

"Right." Vince couldn't help the heat rushing to his cheeks. He slowly replaced the kettle and sunk into an armchair.

"So… are you two… How did you two meet?" The question wasn't the one that bubbled to his lips, but he managed to hold that one back, just about. _How did you two meet _sounded much less intrusive than _what the hell is she doing in the flat, why did you bring her back here, why have you been sneaking around, why isn't it me in your arms-_

He halted the flow of questions rushing through his mind before any of them escaped.

"Um, Evelyn is…"

"I came to the shop yesterday," she put in for him, smiling invitingly at Vince, "I, um, liked the jazz records," she admitted.

Why anyone would be interested in Howard's musty old jazz records would forever remain a mystery to Vince, but he let the comment go, instead choosing to opt for his latest tack in interrogation.

"And then you two just materialized on the couch together? Howard was upstairs with me for ages before I went out-"

"We went to a club." Evelyn was still smiling when she offered the comment as if it could pass for an acceptable explanation.

Vince couldn't contain his laughter – it escaped before he could stop it, "Hahaha! You didn't manage to drag _him_ to a _club_, did you? Come on, Howard, even you must have some standards-"

Vince wasn't even sure why he was being so cruel, but once he got started it was difficult to stop, "The only time you ever leave the flat is when you and Lester Cornflakes go to Jazzercise or whatever the hell you two do together. You just sit around here getting dustier and more boring! How long have you been on the shelf, Howard? When's the last time you had a woman on your arm? And that pencil-case girl don't count, 'cause she dumped you after that one conversation. You freaked her out with your tiny eyes-"

Howard didn't stand up for himself, or even speak, during this verbal assault, and it only made Vince angrier. He went off on a full-on rant about how old Howard was getting and how he'd never start a family like he always said he would by the time he was forty. On and on and on, until Evelyn stood up (wrapped, Vince observed, in one of his silk kimonos) and slapped him straight across the face.

His sharp intake of breath was the only sound in the room for the longest moment. Howard mumbled something, but Vince couldn't hear him over the sound of the blood rushing in his own ears or his racing pulse. He efficiently removed himself from the armchair and stormed down the stairs to the shop before either of them could stop him.

Howard didn't blame Vince in the slightest for the things he said – in fact, they were all true. The truth burned, and he felt like he had been the one slapped across the face, because the insults had only been hammered home by the ringing sound of the slap that had echoed around the flat.

He sat bolt upright on the couch and stared at the empty space where Vince had just been sitting, somehow unable to make the connection between the dimple in the leather and the fact that his former best friend was now downstairs, hiding out in the shop.

"You didn't… You didn't have to do that for me," Howard mumbled to Evelyn when she had calmed down enough to sit down again. She was completely red in the face, fury rolling off her in waves. Howard could feel the tension in the room just by being next to her, and now that it was morning, he could see that she was less perfect than she had appeared the night before. She was still pretty, of course, but whether it was because of the bright light pouring into the lounge or the fact that her make-up had rubbed off during the night, he wasn't sure, but she seemed less… beautiful, somehow. Not that he minded – in fact, it made him feel less of a giant, old freak, as Vince had just kindly pointed out.

"How can you stand living with that man?" Evelyn asked, incredulous, as she turned to face Howard. He squirmed under her glare, unable to conjure a reply – because he simply didn't have one. Why he hadn't moved out years ago, when Vince had started getting worse and worse, he didn't have a clue. He was out almost every night now, coming home completely wasted in the early hours of the morning, experimenting with God-knows what and God-knows who. Whenever he was actually home, he was busy slacking off work or painting in the bedroom, and flicking droplets onto Howard's bed-sheets, which he'd swear wasn't his fault, it was actually the seagull that had been flying into the window every afternoon to peck at his watercolors because he 'had an artistic streak'. When Vince wasn't hiding away in the flat, he was making fun of Howard.

Maybe Evelyn was right. Maybe it was time to put his foot down.

"Would you like some breakfast?" Howard asked hastily, jumping up from the couch, planning to dash through to the bedroom to get some clothes before he set about making the meal. Evelyn smiled dreamily as he made for the door.

"Why don't you… stay awhile?" she whispered, going on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. Howard couldn't stand being in the room with her any longer, knowing what she must think after all the things that Vince pointed out… She must be so desperate to prove that she wasn't fazed by his words, but she would ditch him at the first possible opportunity… She was just trying to look good before she would abandon him, just like the pencil-case girl had, just like-

No. He couldn't bring himself to think it.

"I really think I should make breakfast. Coffee? Sugar?"

Evelyn pouted and grumbled a little, but muttered, "I'll take three."

Howard didn't even bother to comment on how unhealthy her option was, he simply walked through to the bedroom, calm as anything, and closed the door behind him before he collapsed on his bed and hid his face in the pillow.


	5. Chapter 5

**'Kay, guys, here's chapter five! Please take into account that my eyes are burning whilst writing this, and it's five past one in the morning, so be nice, alright? Things are starting to pick up! Sort of. **

**I'm sort of paranoid that my fic is boring, but I'm trying to make it less so, but I'm still trying to set the scene! It's difficult! It's not like the stuff I usually write, because all my stuff for the novel I wrote is already set up, and the sequel has been easy because all my characters are developed and the storyline is already apparent... It's harder with fanfiction!**

**Please review! I love to hear from y'all, it makes me really happy... Especially the lovely comments I've been getting! I don't deserve your love, guys, but please, keep it coming! Your reviews brighten my days!**

**Special thanks to Amaryllis3121, thejigsawtimess and CherryTroi, for your beautiful comments. I love you all! Oh, and thanks to Rachel as well, because she's STILL reading. **

**Disclaimer: All I own is the storyline!**

Vince still hadn't come to terms with what he had just experienced. He had been sitting behind the shop counter for almost half an hour, and his right cheek still stung from the impact, but it wasn't just the slap that had hurt. His injured pride was almost too much to bear. How could he have acted so rashly? That was abrupt, and mean, even for him.

But Howard was used to it, wasn't he?

Somehow, this thought made it so much worse. Vince hated himself.

But he also hated the woman who had spent the night with his best friend. There was something _off _about her, something that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Or was that his own overreaction to his sudden jealousy?

He had never imagined Howard with a woman before. Never. Not even fleetingly. He'd never needed to worry about it before – after all, it was he, Vince Noir, Rock and Roll Star, who captured the attention of the ladies. Not his jazzy freak of a best mate.

He knew he needed to make it up to Howard. He also knew that he needed to get rid of this Evelyn before things got serious, or weird, or both. He knew that Howard craved any sort of affection, and, after what they had seemed to get up to last night, when Vince was intoxicated and otherwise unable to stop them, bring them to their senses… He would be attached to the woman for life.

Howard had been a virgin before last night, Vince knew, unless he had been getting off with Lester behind his back. He didn't think that was likely. The (supposedly) blind, jazz-obsessed old man was as delusional as Howard himself, but they would never… Anyway, Howard wasn't gay. Vince knew that, even after that fateful night on the rooftop…

No. He banished all the mental images that were forming in his overactive imagination, and set about opening the shop. Since that was usually Howard's job, he wasn't really sure where to begin. The older man always prattled on about stock taking, but Vince hadn't attended that particular lecture, so he settled for flipping the sign over and settling back into his favorite chair with a copy of _Cheekbone _magazine. It wasn't like they were expecting customers, anyway, not on a day like today – it was drizzling and cold outside, the middle of November, too early for the elderly shoppers to be out, too unpleasant for the younger crowd.

Evelyn came stomping down the stairs in a pair of dodgy stiletto heels about an hour after Vince opened up, smelling of Howard's excellent cooking and slightly of perfume. The perfume smelled as if it was attempting to cover up the smell of something else, but of what, he wasn't sure. He watched her wobble to the door in her heels before pausing in the doorway to turn back to Vince.

"I hope you're happy with yourself. I hope you realize what you've done – no, what you're _doing _to him," she hissed at Vince, "Howard is one of the nicest and kindest people I've ever met, and you're just putting him down all the time. He told me what you're like, and I've met your kind before. If you think I'm just going to drop this, you've got another thing coming. This isn't the end, Vincent. I'm not going to leave him like the others have. I'll be back soon, and when I am, you'll wish you never crossed us. I'll make Howard see you for what you really are if it's the last thing I ever do."

Evelyn collected her bucket of clichés and stormed out of the shop, slamming the door behind her, and leaving a small pool of water on the floor. Vince frowned. For one thing, nobody _ever _called him by his full name, and for another, Evelyn hadn't been out in the rain, or, by the look of things, taken a shower. So where had the obvious puddle come from?

Vince slipped out of the chair to peer at the water more closely. Upon inspection, he noted that there was nothing remarkable about it – it just looked like rain. Against his better judgment, he experimentally dipped his finger in the puddle and raised it to his nose. Salty.

So what the hell was going on?

Howard sat at the breakfast table once Evelyn had left with his head in his hands, feeling sorry for himself. He also felt awful for Evelyn, and for Vince, that he had practically spilled his heart all over the plates when Evelyn had demanded a reply to her earlier query.

"_I'll ask again – how the hell do you stand living with him? Vince, was it?"_

"_Yeah. Vince," Howard said, keeping his eyes trained on his breakfast, "I, um, well… We've known each other a long time. We're practically family, you know."_

"_But you're not actually related," Evelyn stated. It wasn't a question._

"_Well, no, but-"_

"_I don't like him, Howard. The way he treated you… That wasn't fair. Are you friends, lovers or what?" _

"_Ah… We, uh, we used to be friends, I suppose. We used to be best friends. Lately, though, I'm not sure we've been on the same wavelength."_

"_You can tell me if you want to," Evelyn invited. Howard winced a little under her gaze, a little more when she reached across the table to take his hand in hers._

"_Vince has changed. A lot. We used to be in sync, you know… We'd make up all these silly little songs – crimps, we called them – and we were in a band together, although it never really took off… We did practically everything together. It's this flat; it's changed him, living with other people… When we worked together at the zoo, things were easier. Simpler. He was always the sunshine kid, always happy and joking, but now… He got in with the wrong crowd, I suppose, started obsessing even more, if that's possible, about how he looked. Getting drunk all the time, coming home late. Avoiding me. I'm not 'cool' enough for him anymore. I don't think I ever was, he just didn't realize it back then. I'm dragging him down, I'm old and outdated and rubbish-"_

"_You're _none_ of those things, Howard, darling. I promise you. Contrary to Vincent's opinion… I think you're quite the opposite. I find all those things endearing – and I think it's lovely that you want to start a family. And you are certainly not rubbish! _He's _the one dragging _you _down, Howard. He doesn't deserve you."_

_Howard wished he could believe her, or even try to convince himself that what she was saying was true, but it seemed the magic from last night had worn off. Evelyn couldn't convince him of her devotion with a bat of her long eyelashes (that didn't really seem that long anymore) or a flick of her perfect hair (now that he thought about it, her hair was tousled and her roots were showing). _

"_Anyway. I'd better clear up here," Howard snapped, and began picking up the plates and dumping them at the sink, ignoring the fact that he'd touched nothing on his plate. He emptied the contents into the bin and began the washing up, while Evelyn stared on, dumbstruck._

"_Well, I suppose I'd better be getting back to my hotel. I'm only staying in the area for a couple of weeks, visiting some old friends. I'll, um, see you around?"_

_Howard's heart dropped through his entire body and ended up at his feet. By the time he regained the power of speech, Evelyn was collecting her bag from the living room and applying a coat of lip-gloss in the mirror._

Right. So that's all I was, then, a one-night fling? Great. Just how I wanted my first time to go. I wanted something special, not _this._

"_Say, tonight? I'll be here at around seven. I was thinking we could catch a movie, go to dinner?"_

_He could have clapped for joy, but he managed to keep his emotions under wraps until she left, arranging to meet in the shop later on. Now all that was left to do was patch things up with Vince, and then… Everything would be perfect._

_So why was his stomach doing somersaults?_


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry about the longer wait for chapter six, guys, I've been trying to write all day, but to no avail. Anyways, enjoy. I'm quite proud of this chapter, if I do say so myself. I crack myself up.**

**Thanks for all the gorgeous reviews so far, keep 'em coming!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the storyline.**

Vince gave Howard approximately five seconds of alone time before dashing up the stairs to greet his friend, who was standing over by the sink in the kitchenette, half-heartedly scrubbing the breakfast dishes.

For the first time in his life, Vince felt self-conscious as he approached the Northerner. He ran a nervous hand through his perfect hair before clearing his throat and taking another step towards him.

"Howard?" Vince was almost whispering, afraid of unsettling the atmosphere in the flat. Everything was peaceful and silent, at least for the meantime.

Howard didn't look up from his task, so Vince tried again, his voice getting a little braver as he sidled over to the countertop.

"Howard?" Still nothing, "Howard? Howard? Howaaaard?"

"What do you want?" the older man hissed, whipping around to face Vince, who shrunk away, hurt, half expecting another slap.

"I-I – Um-" Vince couldn't summon the words. It was all he could do not to run through to the bedroom and lock himself in there, but he knew he had to make it up to his best friend. He couldn't let Howard be angry with him forever, especially after Evelyn had sounded so manipulative down in the shop…

"Sorry, Vince. I didn't mean to snap," Howard apologized, the plate held so tightly in his right hand that Vince was afraid it would break under the trembling pressure.

"S'not you that should be apologizin', is it, though?" Vince mumbled, staring down at his glittery boots as if they held answers to his questions.

"Yes, well," Howard muttered in response, busying himself with the task of stacking the plates in a neat pile to drain.

"I'm sorry for what I said, Howard, I… I didn't mean any of that stuff, y'know."

Howard didn't speak, and his silence encouraged Vince to go on.

"I dunno what came over me, I just- It just shocked me, s'all, you two bein' together and everythin'… Caught me off guard, I suppose."

"Is the idea of me being with a woman so alarming to you, Vince?" Howard suddenly spun around, abandoning his façade of washing up for a second (he was actually just staring at one of the bowls with such intense concentration that it caused Vince to wonder if he was trying to use mind-control on it) to loom over the smaller man.

"N-no, I just-" Vince tried to think of a valid excuse as he stumbled backwards, banging his hip on the edge of the counter in his attempt to flee. He winced at the impact, and made a mental note to disguise the bruise later. No good sporting a good outfit if there was a chance of the dark patch showing up underneath.

Vince bit his lip, forcing himself to concentrate on the matter at hand rather than mentally planning his next fashion statement. This was almost as bad as the time he had gone off into a daydream about Charlie when he was supposed to be working, and then someone had come into the shop and nicked a brass ornament of an (admittedly creepy but apparently magical and potentially dangerous, according to Naboo) eagle that had been staring at Vince ever since it arrived in the latest stock. He hadn't even looked up from the absent-minded sketch he was making for the latest Charlie book to get a good look at the thief.

Time stood still for the longest moment, before Howard wiped his hands with a towel and stormed over to the living room, intending to get away from Vince, but the younger man simply followed him over to the couch and plopped down next to him.

"Listen, Vince, I get it, okay? All those things you said… I know they were just in the heat of the moment. I don't blame you," Howard mumbled, neglecting to add _I blame myself, utterly and completely_.

"Yeah, but, well… I didn't mean them, Howard, I swear."

Howard sighed, "I know you didn't, little man." His voice was barely audible, even in the hush of the flat.

"D'you want some tea or something? Coffee?" Vince offered, trying to be nice. His hopeful smile was met with another sigh and a shake of the head on Howard's part.

"Not really."

"I could make you something to eat. It didn't look like you ate much of your breakfast, so-"

"I'm really not hungry, Vince, but thanks anyway. I think I'm going to… Go for a walk. Clear my head."

"Right," Vince said, "How about I come with you? We could-"

"I'd really rather be alone right now."

"Oh. Okay," Vince muttered begrudgingly, sinking lower into his seat. Sadly, he wondered if the day could get much worse, and reasoned that it probably could, judging by the way things were going.

As soon as Howard left the flat, Vince realized he didn't have a clue what to do with himself. He tried switching the TV on, but the channels were only showing the crap daytime shows that featured gap-toothed men fighting over hairy women, both claiming to be the father of their children, and something that looked like a rip-off of _Loose Women_. Eventually, Vince retired to the bedroom and rifled through his wardrobe, looking for something to inspire him – dressing up might not have been the most valuable use of his time, but once he was distracted by the pretty fabrics and sequined accessories, Vince felt considerably better. Unfortunately, his euphoria was shattered by the appearance of a tiny Shaman and a gorilla in the doorway.

"Vince, you ballbag, you've left the shop open!"

"Shit!" Vince cursed, scrambling up from his place on the floor, intending to sprint downstairs and lock up, but his dramatic exit was blocked by Bollo, who was trying his best to look intimidating and failing miserably.

"It's alright, Howard's down there now. We found him prowling the streets. Have you two had a fight or somefink?"

"Oh, er, I guess you could call it that, I, er-"

"S'alright. I don't care what you've been fighting about. Just don't leave the shop unattended again, yeah? There's some expensive stuff in there."

"Right. Sorry, Naboo," Vince apologized, standing shiftily in front of his wardrobe with a sparkly scarf draped around his neck and wearing odd shoes.

Pausing in the hallway, Naboo turned back to Vince, who was hastily packing his stuff back into the wardrobe, "Are you okay, Vince? Is it somethin' about that woman that was here last night?"

"How did you-" he started, and then decided against the question. The Shaman knew everything. It was better not to ask.

"I s'pose. She's a bit…" Vince commented, remembering Evelyn's threat in the shop earlier, and shuddering.

"Yeah. I wasn't gettin' good vibes off her, myself. Is she Howard's girlfriend or somefink?"

"I think so," Vince replied warily, unsure of just how serious things were between the couple.

"I never thought Moon would get a bird. Hmm. Somefink's off about this, Vince."

"I know. What are we gonna do about it, though?"

"I'll see if I can come up with anything. Just be careful, all right? I'm not too keen on the big man, but if she turns on you, I'll set Bollo on 'er."

Vince grinned and pretended that it was a legitimate threat.

When the bedroom was relatively tidy, Vince trailed downstairs to help Howard out. It wasn't really worth it, actually, since they hadn't had a customer for days and you could practically hear crickets chirping in the shop, and Vince could have _sworn _that was a tumbleweed that just drifted past his feet, but he felt immediately better when Howard greeted him with a smile.

"Hey, Howard," Vince said, afraid of his response, but he needn't have worried. Howard replied with a cheery 'hi' as he moved around the counter to adjust one of the stands near the window.

"How was your walk?" Vince asked, flopping down into a chair. Howard shrugged.

"It was nice," he commented, dusting some of his jazz stationary with his sleeve.

"Find anythin' interesting? See anyone?" Vince wondered.

"Walking isn't about finding 'interesting' things, Vince. I didn't go out there expecting a fanfare or a squirrel doing tricks on the pavement. It's about relaxing, letting go of the stress, contemplating the inner workings of the universe, becoming one with your environment-"

"Alright, alright, I get it!" Vince called, surrendering. His Howard was back, at least. Boring old Howard, who wouldn't go off with strange women that called him Vincent.

"Anyway, I, er, bumped into Evelyn on my way back."

The perfect illusion of normality was shattered at the mention of her name. Vince buried his head in his hands whilst Howard proceeded to give him a full, gory description of how immaculate she looked.

"She's staying in a hotel not far from here, actually. You know, she's really keen for you two to get along. First impressions aren't everything, you know, Vince. She's eager to make amends."

"I bet she is," Vince muttered darkly, pretending to take interest in studying a rogue cockroach that was scuttling across the tiles.

"So she asked me to invite you out with us tonight. So you two can get to know each other better."

"_Get to know each other better_?" Vince squawked, incredulous, "You've known her, what, a day?"

"That's not the point!" Howard insisted, flustered, "I really think you should come along tonight. You never know, you might even enjoy it. We're going to the cinema-"

"What, to watch one of your boring documentaries? I slept for _weeks _after you forced me to sit through that one about 'lighting through the ages'."

"It isn't a documentary, actually! We're going to see the new action film. We compromised. Well, actually, we both decided that you wouldn't sit through three hours of 'how toasters changed the modern world'."

"Oh. Well, if you've gone to so much trouble to include me…" Vince was secretly pleased that Howard had been thinking about him, and he _had _been wanting to see that movie for weeks… Maybe he could make an exception and go out with the two of them tonight, just this once…

"It was Evelyn's idea, actually. And she's paying for dinner. Her treat, apparently, although I tried to insist…"

"Howard Moon, ever the gentleman," Vince smirked. Howard narrowed his eyes in his direction, but didn't comment on the teasing.

"So, are you in?"

"I s'pose. On one condition, though. No mention of jazz, all right? I don't want to be caught in the middle of an argument about trumpet solos in the forties."

Howard opened his mouth to correct him, but Vince was already heading back upstairs, muttering something about needing to change his outfit because he'd been wearing this one longer than four hours, and if Leroy caught sight of him in the same thing he'd be done for.

Howard sighed, leaning against the counter. Tonight was going to be excruciating.


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm writing this from a Premier Inn in Derbyshire, and there's very limited light, so if there are any typos, I apologise in advance. However, I'm quite happy with the way this chapter turned out! BUT I'm very nervous about whether my storyline is boring and predictable. But there are a few twists to come, so, uhm, keep reading and reviewing, please! I get really happy when a Review Alert pops up on my emails, so go on, make my day!**

**Oh, and I was thinking about starting another fic, because I had the idea earlier and I think it would be pretty awesome, but sort of difficult to write... So holler if you want that, yeah? 'Cause I don't want to write it if nobody's interested! I'll post the first chapter tomorrow (hopefully, if I can write it by then) if you want. If not, I might post it anyway, 'cause I'm awkward like that! But tell me if you want one, please! Feedback is good!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything 'cept the story.**

Two hours later, Howard decided it was time to shut up the shop and prepare for Evelyn's arrival. There hadn't been a single customer all day, and despite his desperate pleas for Vince to stop rifling through his wardrobe and return to help clean the floors, he hadn't received any help from the other shopkeeper.

Getting ready wasn't a particularly difficult task – a quick shower, throwing on the first casual outfit that struck him, shaving, cologne, and he was ready. For Vince, however, it was a completely different story. He'd spent half an hour deliberating over an outfit – eventually choosing black drainpipes and a flamboyant blue blouse that draped almost to his knees but still managed to cling to his torso – and then another hour getting his hair perfect again in front of the mirror. He decided to lay off the make-up a little, only spending three quarters of an hour on it, and focusing heavily on the eyeliner, telling himself that he wasn't trying to impress anyone tonight. It wasn't as if any of his usual crowd were going to see him, unless they were prowling the leisure district instead of their usual hangouts. The cinema was at least a few miles away from the clubs they frequented – it was unlikely, Vince reasoned, that he would be spotted by anyone cool enough to influence the others' impressions of him.

At ten minutes to seven, Howard was waiting in the living room for Evelyn to arrive, and for Vince to emerge from the bedroom. Nervousness was eating away at him, and he busied himself with tidying around the flat so that he wasn't standing in the middle of the room, staring at his hands like a lunatic.

"Are you ready yet, Vince?" he called through the door to his best friend, who made a strangled noise, which was followed by a loud clatter.

"Almost!" Vince yelled back, and then the door flew open, and there he stood, somehow tangled in the silky drapes he'd insisted on purchasing for the room, although they didn't keep the light out and they trailed halfway across the carpet. Howard had suggested trimming them plenty of times, but the younger man insisted that if he went to work on them with his sewing machine, both their beauty and value would significantly decrease.

"What the hell have you been doing?" Howard wondered, rolling his eyes as he strode over to help Vince out of the drapes.

"I was thinking that maybe these would work well as a scarf, and then I thought I saw a penny on the floor and I tried to reach it but I tripped and… the drapes decided to come with me."

"You _would _get distracted by something shiny, I suppose," Howard grumbled as he carefully unwrapped the silky fabric from around Vince's legs. It was too late to attach them to the curtain pole again now, so he left them lying on the bed while Vince gave himself a once-over in the full-length mirror. This one had been a compromise – after Howard had commented that the mirror in the bathroom had actually been a success after discovering that he could check for any crumples in his shirt before he left, Vince had contemplated installing a large mirror on every wall in every room. Howard had allowed him one in the corner of the bedroom after Naboo had constantly groaned about the five in the living room when Bollo kept crashing into them after returning with the shopping. Now, he realized, the mirror was actually an advantage, because he could hide his blush from Vince while he studied himself in the mirror. Being so close to him made his knees weak, although Howard wasn't quite sure why. He put it down to nerves about the evening.

The doorbell rang, and made them both jump. Recovering quickly, Howard offered to answer it while Vince twirled some more, murmuring something about adding a cape to his ensemble.

"Evelyn!" Howard greeted her with a kiss on the cheek when he opened the door to see her standing there on the pavement, "Glad you could make it."

"I've missed you, Howard. How has your day been?" Evelyn wondered politely, her gaze flickering to the room behind them, "Did you persuade Vince to come with us?"

"Ah, yes, he's just, erm, getting ready now."

Evelyn hissed something about Vince's narcissism as Howard guided her up the stairs, and let them both into the flat.

"I'm looking forward to tonight," Howard commented as they waited for Vince. Evelyn smiled up at him, happiness glinting in her eyes. Once again, she looked perfect - not like she had this morning, anyway. Howard congratulated whichever make-up brand she used, because they had done a very good job at covering up the creases that were displayed when it wore off. He actually felt more on edge when she looked so perfect next to him, because he was so unsure of himself, and so sure that once Evelyn locked eyes with another man he'd be yesterday's news. Still, she looked kinder now, even when she was complaining about his friend's vanity.

Vince left the bedroom five minutes later, and, true to his word, he'd slung a glittery cape around his shoulders. The whole outfit, of course, complimented Vince's body and the other items of clothing he had on, but when did Vince ever look anything less than flawless?

"Right. Shall we go, then?" Howard was eager to get the night underway, because he was certain that if the three of them were cooped up in the flat together any longer, someone would snap.

"Of course," Evelyn replied, just as Vince chipped in with 'yeah, I'm not standing around here all night with you freaks!'

The movie was long and boring, or at least it was compared to the obvious winner that was _How Toasters Changed The Modern World. _Howard found himself daydreaming for the entirety of the film, especially during the mind-numbing action scenes, which popped up religiously every three minutes (he timed it) and lasted for at least ten each time. He allowed his mind to wander out of the grubby cinema, with its sticky floors and buttery, popcorn smell, and down the appropriate roads, where he could just about make out the shop front. He was sure that he and Evelyn would go back to her hotel tonight, but seeing as though his imagination was lacking and he couldn't be bothered to conjure a mental image of it, he supposed the flat would do just as well. The intricate scenes that played out next actually managed to shock Howard, and he was immensely glad that no-one in the theatre could hear his thoughts, because they were _loud_.

"That was _genius_!" Vince exclaimed as they exited the cinema when the credits had finally rolled, "Did you see the bit where he jumped from that building and then the chopper was there an-"

"Of course we saw it, Vince, we were right there beside you," Evelyn snapped, silencing the younger man. Howard frowned. He wasn't sure he had seen that part, actually. He couldn't recall much about the movie, not even the main character's name, never mind any part of the actual storyline, but despite how dull it had been, and how much he couldn't bear to listen to Vince repeating the entire sequence of events, he thought Evelyn sounded a tad harsh.

"R-right. Well. That part was amazin', anyway," Vince mumbled, scuffing his shoes on the pavement as they waited for a cab. Evelyn had told them that the restaurant wasn't far, but she was wearing heels, and if she was paying anyway, a cab would have to suffice, since she predicted that her ankles would give in if they walked the whole way. Vince was happy with her suggestion, actually – no matter what the song lyrics said, these boots were definitely _not _made for walking.

Howard slipped his arm around Evelyn once they were safely inside the taxi, much to Vince's dismay. He tried to hide his look of contempt as they hurtled around a sharp corner and down a dark street, instead choosing to stare out of the window and concentrate entirely on something other than his desire to snuggle up to Howard's other side. He was starting to wish he'd stayed at home, because although the movie had indeed been genius, he didn't think it was worth watching them make out in the back of the taxi.

The restaurant was pretty full, considering it was old and musty and all the customers seemed to be at least fifty. Vince didn't complain as they were shown to a table, trying to keep his mouth shut so he didn't annoy Evelyn any further and make her hate him even more. He wasn't going to get into any more fights with Howard – she wasn't worth it. She'd probably ditch him in a few weeks, anyway, and then he'd have him all to himself again, and-

"Can I take your order, sir?" the waitress repeated for the third time, and Vince finally glanced up, distracted momentarily from his wacky thought pattern. Everyone at the table was watching him expectantly. He realized that the waitress was addressing him, and glanced to the open menu in his hands, ordering the first thing he saw. The entire thing was in French, anyway – it wasn't like he was going to be able to understand a word of it without delving into the small print, and he was exhausted already.

"Good choice," Howard said, while Evelyn wrinkled her nose, determined, it seemed, to disagree with anything Vince said or did. He shrugged, blasé, and hid his reddened cheeks with the menu.

"So, Vince, I suppose I'd like to, erm, get to know you better," Evelyn said after a few minutes of silence. Vince cringed. It was such an obvious lie, it was embarrassing.

"Oh, right, erm… Well…" Usually Vince was brilliant at expressing his thoughts, especially when launching into a conversation about _himself_, but this time his mind was completely blank as he struggled to find something to impress the woman with. She certainly drove a hard bargain.

"I used to be in a band," he mumbled, "Well, quite a lot of bands, actually. Me n' Howard had one, once, but people just weren't ready for what we had to offer. They don't know what they're missin'! We made a great double act, didn't we, Howard?" Vince turned to his best friend, hoping for back-up, but Howard had turned beetroot red and was trying to disguise his expression with a napkin. Vince's face fell.

"And, er…" Vince trailed off, gnawing on his bottom lip while he tried to think of something brilliant to say, "I'm the author of the bestselling Charlie books!"

"Never heard of them," Evelyn muttered, bored of this already. Vince babbled away, regardless.

"Well, Charlie's basically this hunk of bubble-gum, right, except he's alive and he goes on all sorts of crazy adventures, and once he got lost in a park and there was nobody around to help apart from a passing pigeon, but-"

"Like the one I found in my cereal box last week?" Evelyn asked, frowning slightly. She sighed, "They sound great, Vincent, but don't you think you should concentrate on more important things? Like, oh, I don't know, your career? This flitting around doesn't seem like it provides a great source of income."

"I work in the shop, as well! Tell 'er, Howard!"

"Yes, er-"

"I haven't seen you do any work. It's always left to Howard, isn't it?"

"I'm employee of the month, I'll have you know!"

"Only 'cause you're Bollo's 'precious flower'," Howard reminded him, and Vince sunk lower into his seat, wishing the ground would swallow him up.

"Look, you said you wanted to get to know me! Well, I hate to break it to you, but this _is _me! I'm a fashion icon, I'm cutting edge, I'm-"

"Vain, childish, spoilt and, to be frank, quite annoying," Evelyn cut in. Vince was ready to leave his seat and storm out of the restaurant, past caring whether he proved her theory to be correct or not, but the waitress returned to the table with three steaming plates and began to set them out. She delivered a plate full of unrecognizable mush to Vince, which, he reasoned, was probably something expensive and way out of his price range. He was starting to wish they'd chosen to eat somewhere less fancy, where he could order something that didn't look like it had been spewed up from a tramp's belly. He didn't complain, though, in fear of starting Evelyn off again, and picked at the mush with a fork in a stormy silence.

"Anyway, why don't you tell us about yourself, Evelyn?" Howard suggested in a futile attempt to get the conversational ball rolling again.

"There isn't much to tell, really," Evelyn mumbled, staring at the tablecloth, "I grew up in Cornwall before I moved to London, and then back again. That's the main reason I'm here, to visit some of my old friends."

"Oh." It was the best either of them could come up with, under the circumstances. Howard couldn't muster the energy to probe his girlfriend with more uncomfortable questions, so the silence that settled over the table was a long one.

Vince managed about four forkfuls of whatever he was supposed to be eating before the taste settled in and he had to dash off to the toilet. Evelyn couldn't seem to help herself when he returned to the table.

"It's a little ungrateful, don't you think? To waste the food?"

"I, er-"

"Let me guess, you're on some kind of diet. Fits in with your look, I'll give you that."

"No!" Vince insisted. It was true. He'd actually eaten a packet of gummy worms for breakfast, and pancakes topped with hundred and thousands for lunch, so any diet that he had once been on had gone to hell now. He just couldn't face the disgusting looking mess in front of him.

"Urgh, forget it, okay? Can we just get out of here?" Evelyn begged, throwing a hasty glance in the direction of the waitress. She was quickly summoned and the bill was paid before Evelyn rushed out of the restaurant out of pure annoyance.

Howard pulled Vince to the side for a moment before they joined her.

"Look, why don't you try to patch things up with her now? I'll go to the bathroom, give you two a few minutes alone. Just… Apologize, yeah? I'll be out in a bit."

Vince didn't even try to argue. He had nothing to apologize for – it was Evelyn that was being an absolute _bitch_ - but he was desperate to make Howard happy, and if this would do the trick… He had to try, for him.

Vince sauntered out onto the pavement, where Evelyn had a mobile phone pressed up against her ear and was muttering darkly into it, ordering another taxi in a grumpy tone. He sidled over to her and stopped a fair distance away – there was no way he was getting closer than necessary to the woman. She glanced up as he approached, rolled her eyes, and flipped the phone shut.

"What do you want, Vince?" she muttered in his general direction before turning away.

"I just wanted to say… Sorry, for how I acted before. Y'know, with the food an' everything. I just- I wasn't that hungry-"

He couldn't finish his sentence because Evelyn had pressed her lips to his.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello! I have returned! Not that I was gone or anything, but still! Here's chapter eight - I hope you enjoy it. I'm warning you - tears are shed. Lots and lots of tears and angst. And Evelyn. Lots of Evelyn as well.**

**Oh, and I posted the first chapter of my other fic, too. It's called 'The Slow Descent Into Madness' and for those of you who've read and reviewed it already, thank you so much! I can't even begin to say how happy I am that you actually liked it! I'm still not keen, though, because it's incredibly depressing. However, this one isn't much better at the moment!**

**Disclaimer: All I own is the story, and, unfortunately, I own Evelyn also. But she's a bitch-face, so let's leave that part out, yeah?**

**Reviews are love!**

Howard froze in the doorway of the restaurant, the night air chilling him to the bone. Seconds flew by, but time stood still for him, until a man jostled him from behind and told him to 'watch it'. Howard stumbled forward, catching himself on the door to keep from falling face first into the road, and wished he had emerged sooner. Maybe he could have stopped them. Maybe he could have done something-

His heart broke when Evelyn pulled away first, shoving Vince back in disgust. How could this happen? Surely even Vince wouldn't stoop this low. Surely this was some sort of crazy joke, a trick of the light, maybe they were just-

He didn't get to finish that thought because Evelyn was turning towards him, guilt and shock painted clearly on her face when she opened her mouth to explain. Howard couldn't speak, couldn't move – he just stood there, slightly in awe of the whole occurrence. Vince had pressed himself against the wall, trying to make himself as small as possible – maybe then his friend wouldn't see him. Maybe then he would be spared the humiliation and confusion of hearing whatever lie Evelyn was going to spurt.

"Howard, I-" Vince tried to speak first, then maybe he'd have a chance at convincing him to listen, but he had no such luck. Evelyn cut across him before he could get the next word out.

"How _dare_ you?" she screeched at the younger man, her eyes darting from Howard and back to Vince so quickly he wondered how she didn't have a headache already, "What the _hell_ do you think you're playing at? I thought you were trying to apologize, not get me into bed!"

Vince couldn't even argue with her. It was as if all his energy had just seeped out of him, he could hardly stand upright.

"Howard, I don't know what he thought he was doing, but-"

"She's lyin', Howard! She kissed me!" Vince knew his excuse was pathetic, and even to him, it sounded like a lie. Howard sighed, and turned away from them both, but when Evelyn placed a hand on his shoulder, he didn't shake it off. Not a good sign, Vince thought unhappily. Whatever had just gone on was confusing enough without Howard giving them both the silent treatment.

"Maybe he was just confused-"

"Maybe _I _was confused? What about you? You're the one that snogged me, you creepy bitch!" Vince yelled suddenly, causing Howard to spin around once more to face them both.

"Don't speak to her like that," Howard said in a monotone, pain flashing through his eyes momentarily. How could Vince do this to him, and then lie to his face? He was supposed to be his _best friend_, for goodness' sake. The least he could do was pretend to be happy for him once in a while, and try _not _to steal the only girlfriend he'd ever had.

"Howard, I didn't-"

"I don't want to hear it, Vince. Really. Just save it," Howard snapped, and made to storm off, but Evelyn stopped him.

"Please, darling, please, I've called a cab, we'll go back to my hotel, we can just forget about this…" Her pleading made Vince feel sick. Howard seemed to be warming to the idea, as well. It was all he could do not to retch the awful food back up onto the street.

"Come on, you're freezing, it's too cold out here… We'll go back to the hotel and we can order champagne and there's a king sized bed so we can…"

Howard shot Vince one last withering look before he nodded to his girlfriend, and they walked a little down the road to wait for the cab. Sensing he was no longer welcome, Vince abruptly turned on his heel and stormed off in the opposite direction, back towards the flat, and relative safety.

Howard didn't come home all night. Vince made himself a coffee, to warm his hands more than anything else, sat down on the couch and stared at the wall until the beverage cooled and he had to dump the whole thing down the sink. He didn't know where his other flat-mates were, but he'd checked Naboo's bedroom and it was empty, and the living room showed no signs of actual life other than the hookah that had been left on the coffee table, and it was empty.

Vince turned on the television simply to drown out the ticking of the clock, and his own thoughts. He flicked through the channels until he found MTV, and let the rock music flood his brain for the next three hours, until he fell asleep, soothed by the sound of a late-night advertisement offering some sort of exercise bike.

Howard didn't come back in the morning, either. Not even to open up the shop. Naboo and Bollo were back by then, though, so when Vince woke up, he received another lecture as to why he wasn't up yet. The shop should have been opened two hours ago. He just shrugged, and stomped through to the bathroom to get ready. He wanted Howard to come back so badly. His absence made Vince's stomach hurt.

He didn't bother with an elaborate outfit, just threw on a pair of skinny jeans and a brightly coloured t-shirt, with his favorite and most comfortable pair of boots. Ignoring the concerned frowns from the Shaman and his familiar, Vince jogged downstairs and flipped the sign before positioning himself at his usual post behind the desk. He didn't even bother to open the new copy of _Cheekbone_ that had been delivered a few minutes before. He just sat and watched the street, searching for any signs of his friend's arrival.

Howard still wasn't back at noon. Vince had spent the entire morning worrying, and when a girl had come into the shop to flirt with him and trail her perfectly manicured hand across the countertop, he had yelled at her to get out if she wasn't going to buy anything.

Too late, he realized it was the girl he had shagged the other night. That seemed like a lifetime ago, but he remembered throwing her phone number away, rather guiltily. He even thought about calling her back, but she was long gone by the time he reached the door.

Sighing, he returned to the desk and watched the clock for four more hours, before he reckoned it was late enough to close, and trailed back upstairs. Once there, he tried calling Howard's mobile, but of course, there was no answer, and it went straight to voicemail.

Finally, at ten o' clock, Howard slammed the front door shut and made his way upstairs. Vince immediately jumped off the couch where he'd been resting since shutting up, watching a soap opera that had been left on. Howard marched straight through to the bedroom and closed the door behind him, intending to warn Vince off, but if anything, it made him even more determined to speak to his best friend. He needed to make things right between them again. He wouldn't let Evelyn destroy his friendship.

"Howard?" Vince knocked twice at the door, afraid of his friend's response. According to Howard, and Evelyn, it seemed, he had crossed a massive, red line with 'danger, keep out' signs spattered all over it. Not that any of it had been his fault, but that didn't matter right now. All that mattered was making it better.

"What do you want?" Howard's reply startled Vince a little. He sounded… angry. Not that he didn't expect him to be, after everything, but… Howard wasn't a violent man, and he hardly ever shouted, especially not at Vince…

"Can I come in?"

"No!" Howard cried, but Vince elbowed the door open and let himself inside anyway, eyes widening when he saw Howard slumped on the bed, tears streaming down his face.

Vince didn't know what he could do or say to make it better. He tried edging closer to the bed, but this only seemed to make it worse. Howard rubbed his eyes with the back of a hand, and turned stubbornly away from Vince.

"How could you do this to me?" he whispered brokenly, leaving Vince to hover in the middle of the room, wishing that the floor would just swallow him up.

"Howard, I didn't… I didn't kiss her, I swear. I'd never do that to you! Never!"

"I don't believe you, Vince. Why would Evelyn lie to me? What reason would she have to do that, eh? You knew how important this was to me, Vince. Just for once, I thought that everything might work out. I was wrong again, wasn't I? Nothing good ever happens to Howard Moon, does it?"

"I-"

"She's perfect for me, Vince. She likes all the things I do, and she's kind, and funny, and you're going to think I'm foolish and impulsive, but I- I think I'm in love with her."

Vince was not only determined to make it up to Howard, but also to hide the fact that his words were like a punch in the gut. It killed him to hear this, and yet he couldn't bring himself to interrupt as Howard rattled off a long speech about how lovely and sweet the woman was.

"And you almost ruined everything, again. What kind of woman wouldn't fall head over heels for the beautiful Vince Noir? What chance do _I _have compared to you?" Howard spat. Vince was completely taken aback. Sure, he had a way with the ladies, but all the arguments in the past were just banter, weren't they? He'd never meant to make Howard feel like this, not once.

"Well, I'm not going to let you ruin this for me. This-" Howard choked, "Whatever _this _was-" He gestured lamely around the shared bedroom, to Vince's things left piled up at one side, and Howard's immaculate tidiness on the other, "-a friendship, whatever-" The words burned, "-it's over. _Over_. D'you hear me? I can't take this any more. All we ever do when we're together is argue, anyway. You stopped being my friend long ago, sir," Howard was trembling slightly, the anger seeping from his tense shoulders and rolling into the room, "I'm moving out. That's where I've been today, as if you're even interested. We've been looking for a place to stay. I'm moving in with Evelyn."

"Wh-what d'you mean?" Vince's voice broke on the last word, and it was all he could do not to break down in tears at Howard's words.

"I think I've made that pretty clear, don't you, Vince? I'm leaving. Now. Today. I'm going to pack the rest of my things, and I'm going to meet Evelyn at her hotel, and we're driving over to our new apartment together. The deposit's been put down already, everything's sorted. I can't take this anymore. I can't believe you'd do this to me, Vince, after everything we've been through together."

"You can't move in with her, Howard! You've only known her a couple of days-"

"I don't care about that, Vince, I love her." The words were so final, so cruel, that they might as well have been knives, because the effect they had on Vince was just as painful and immediate. _He loves her_, he thought sadly, fighting to refrain from collapsing into a heap on the floor, _he really loves her_.

"And I can't live here now anyway. I'll go crazy if I'm in the same room as you for much longer. I'm going to hand in my notice in the shop, and then… I'm leaving."

"But- Howard, please, you're my best friend-"

"No, Vince, I'm not," Howard looked sadly up at Vince before continuing, "Not anymore. I _hate _you for this. For what you've done to me. I really _hate _you."

Vince remained on the bedroom floor long after Howard had picked up his suitcase and left.


	9. Chapter 9

**Um, I think this chapter's a bit short, guys, but it's here all the same. I got quite sad after writing the previous one, so I tried to make this one a little happier. Not sure if I succeeded, but here it is anyway. I'm going to get a start on my next chapter for my other fic right now, and if I get enough done, I'll upload it before I go to bed, and if not, it'll probably be up tomorrow.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing, I love you all very much!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned any of this stuff, I wouldn't be in this town, and I especially wouldn't be in this house.**

_No-one can stop me now_, Howard thought as he hauled his lone suitcase across the flat. One of the wheels got stuck as he was about to lift it downstairs, and Howard cursed softly as he saw Naboo emerging from his own room.

"Where d'you think you're goin'?" the tiny Shaman asked. Howard winced. He didn't want to have to explain this now, not after the argument with Vince…

"I'm leaving, Naboo. I'm moving out."

"What, an' you just wasn't gonna tell me? I am your landlord, y'know. You can't just leave – you still owe me this month's rent!"

Howard noted that he didn't say anything about actually wanting him to stay, and added that to the long argument as to why he _should _go ahead with the plan to move in with Evelyn. Even if things _were_ a bit rushed. He couldn't stay in this flat with these people – not even Vince cared about him anymore.

"Here-" Howard took out his wallet and rifled through it for a second until he found enough notes to pay the rent he owed. Not bothering to wait for change (not that Naboo would have offered it, actually), Howard once again began to heave the case downstairs. He'd made it halfway when Naboo crossed to the top and stood with his hands on his hips.

"What?" Howard snapped, flustered and annoyed with the stupid suitcase for breaking when he needed it.

"You think I didn't hear what went on in there? You mind telling me what's happening with Vince?"

"Yes, I do, actually. I'm leaving – isn't that enough?"

"No," Naboo said shortly, frowning down at Howard, "I trust you'll come back for work in the mornin'?"

"No. I meant to tell you, I'm not coming back here. Not ever."

"I can't find another shop-keeper on such short notice! You're supposed to give me a two-week warnin', you can't just go swannin' off with your new girlfriend-"

"You've managed it before, I'm sure you can do it again," Howard muttered, referring to the time he had quickly been replaced during his short and pathetic acting career. Naboo just shook his head.

"I haven't got anyone else. You'll have to work the rest of the week." His tone was so final that Howard caved.

"Fine!" he cried, and descended the last few steps, "I'll work this week, and then I'm going! For good!"

He hoped the slamming door was enough to warn off anyone who hoped to come after him. Not that anyone would bother.

The atmosphere in the flat was tense, even though Naboo was the only one in the living room. He could still hear Vince sobbing through the paper thin walls, and the sound of the door slamming had resonated through the whole building. Naboo half wished he'd stopped Howard from leaving, and made him apologize, but what good would it do if he didn't mean it? He'd seemed pretty set on beginning his new life with that woman. She sounded like bad news – Naboo hadn't even rolled his eyes when Bollo had chimed in with his usual _I got a bad feelin' about this._

"Vince? You all right in there?" Naboo called through the door, "D'you want a cuppa?"

One last muffled sob, and then Vince opened the door a crack, "I'm fine, thanks. I think I'm gonna go to bed."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Naboo." One last grim smile, and Vince retreated into his room and closed the door gently behind him, padding across the room to lie down on Howard's bed. The sheets still smelled of his best friend, and the smell was comforting. Vince hadn't even bothered to take off his boots when he drifted off into a restless slumber.

The hotel was still as brightly lit and cheerful as it was when Howard was last here, and he easily navigated his way past the lobby and up to the second floor. Evelyn's room was just down the corridor, and she was halfway through packing her things when he knocked on the door.

She rushed to open it, her hair kept up in a towel and another tied around her, and enveloped Howard in a warm embrace before dragging him inside to help her pack.

"Just let me get dressed – I won't be long. Uh, make yourself at home. Sorry about the mess, I was in the middle of-"

Howard cut her off with a kiss, and the mess didn't seem to matter quite as much anymore. It was Evelyn who broke away first, blushing, and dashed off to the bathroom with a bundle of clothes.

Howard sat down on the bed and gazed around. Everything was exactly the same as it had been last night, only now her bags were tossed on the edge of the bed and clothes were spilling out everywhere. The bedside lamp was switched on, and the fan in the corner was revolving lazily, casting a cool, fluttering breeze around the room, tickling Howard's face slightly. The hotel was fancy enough, and far enough from the shop that he felt safe there. The room was large, with the king-sized bed that Evelyn had promised directly in the center, pushed against the wall, and the window across from it. The adjacent en-suite bathroom had a corner tub and a separate shower, where things had been… messy, to say the least, during the previous night. Howard smiled at the memory. The walk-in closet back in the main room would be large enough to make Vince happy, he supposed…

_Vince._

The thought of his friend back in their bedroom, the shock and sadness on his face when Howard spat his final words, the way he crumpled on the floor in tears, meaning that Howard had to step over his limp form to get to the door… It was too much. He hadn't meant it. He didn't – _couldn't_ – hate Vince. They'd been friends since _school_, for goodness' sake. They'd been through everything together. Sure, Vince hadn't always been there for him recently, and after what he had just done, it deserved more than a few hours of general grumpiness… but even Vince didn't deserve what he'd said.

_He'll be fine by now. He probably got distracted by a sale at Top Shop and forgot all about me. It's not like I meant as much to him as he did to me, anyway, not in the end… He'll be fine._

Howard didn't even sound convincing to himself.

"Howard, are you ready to go? Could you just throw the rest of my things into the case for me? I'll be out in a sec…" Evelyn was calling to him through the bathroom door.

"Of course," Howard replied, although _throwing _the clothes in would be a bit of an exaggeration… He neatly folded the rest of the pile and added them to the case, straightening out the garments Evelyn had already put away. While he completed this mind-numbing task, his mind wandered, and he found himself thinking just how quickly these past few days had flown by. Evelyn had made all the necessary arrangements for her migration – a quick call to her mother and everything was sorted. She had been living with her parents since moving out of her last boyfriend's house, and her mother would send the rest of her things up next week. So simple. They hadn't looked around many prospective homes, to be honest – they'd settled for the third apartment they'd viewed. It wasn't much, but neither one had much money, and they were pushed for time. Evelyn promised that she would have the place fixed up in a few weeks, a month tops. A lick of paint and a new carpet, along with a few adjustments to the furniture, and everything would be perfect.

"_I was thinking we could do something with the bedroom, brighten it up a bit, Howard, it'd be genius!" Vince cried, exuberant. Howard was skeptical, and he had every right to be. The last time Vince had suggested 'improving' the bedroom, he'd ended up with those vile drapes. He didn't want a repeat episode of that, no thank you, sir. Still, he didn't protest as Vince took his arm and led him around the room, gesturing wildly to the walls._

"_Maybe purple for these two walls, and then silver for the others? We could make 'em really shiny, reflective silver, imagine that! The wallpaper could double up as a mirror! An' I was thinkin' we could go for a lighter purple for the carpet, maybe a shade of lilac? Or a darker shade, if you'd prefer. Violet?"_

"_Uh, Vince-"_

"_Aww, come on, Howard, don't be so borin'! It'd look brilliant, you know it would!"_

"_I'm not contesting that, but don't you think you should have a word with Naboo before you go redecorating? It's his flat, after all…" Howard worried, fiddling nervously with his hair. He liked the room just as it was – a cream carpet that wasn't too scratchy underfoot, and pale walls. Nothing jaunty or bright to be seen, apart from the clothes spilling out of his friend's wardrobe. _

"_I've already spoken to him! 'E says he's confident in my designs; he'll go with whatever I decide. Isn't that genius?"_

"_Yep," Howard said meekly. Vince pouted._

"_You don't look happy," he stated, looking up at the bigger man from under his eyelashes. How could Howard resist when he looked at him like that? _

"_I'm fine," he muttered, trying to smile. Vince helped, tugging the corners of his mouth up into a makeshift grin. _

"_Don't touch me," Howard mumbled, but he didn't mean it. One more blink from those lashes, and they had both erupted into a crimp about redecorating, and everything was fine again._

_If only it were that simple, _Howard thought as he packed the last of Evelyn's things away. He was about to zip up the case when he caught sight of something white at the bottom, hidden beneath a pair of skinny jeans and a checked shirt. He reached out to investigate, and was about to pick up the lacy fabric when a hand batted him away.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Evelyn teased, grinning at him. He mentally shook himself from his trance and shrugged.

"Exploring," he replied, and returned the smile. Remembering 'Howard Moon, colon explorer' wiped the grin off his face for a good few seconds. They'd been so happy back then-

"If you're quite finished-" Evelyn raised her eyebrows expectantly at him, "-then I think we should get going."

Howard put the dress at the back of his mind and allowed himself to be swept into her arms once again, banishing all thoughts of Vince and the shop until morning. He'd tell her then, he decided, that he'd be going back to work for the rest of the week. It wasn't like he had another choice, and their new apartment wasn't that far. It was a couple of tube stops away. He'd be fine. Everything would be fine.

He hoped.


	10. Chapter 10

**This one is a short one - short and snappy! I wanted to post this tonight, though, before I have to go back to school tomorrow. Urgh. A week's holiday was not nearly enough.**

**I'm pretty happy with how this one turned out, actually, considering I was pretty pushed for time.**

**So, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

The new flat smelled damp and had clumps of mould on the ceiling. Howard pretended not to notice as Evelyn wandered around, fantasizing about how she would make the rooms lighter, a few adjustments to the windows, a lick of paint, and everything would be fine again.

"We should get double-glazing. It's more energy efficient, you know? Less money on heating bills… That reminds me, I'm going job-hunting tomorrow, if you want to come? Since you had to leave the shop?"

"I, er, wanted to talk to you about that, actually," Howard said, dreading her reaction, "Naboo said I have to work till the end of the week. He's being lenient, actually – I was supposed to give him two weeks notice…" Evelyn looked like she was about to say something, but shook her head quickly and painted a smile on her face.

"That's fine, darling. We can look for a job next week, right? Hey, maybe we could even work together, wouldn't that be brilliant?"

Howard let her go on, nodding in the right places and making agreeable noises every so often, but he wasn't really paying attention. They'd set up a bit of furniture around the flat, but they were going to have to sleep on the floor. Evelyn had brought sleeping bags, so it wouldn't be as uncomfortable as the time they'd slept together on the sofa.

Still, the sleeping bags brought back memories of snuggling with Vince back at the zoo, when the heating wasn't working or when he'd just woken from a nightmare. He'd have to smooth the other man's hair to make him stop crying. And where had he been when Vince wept in the flat? He felt awful for leaving him in that state, even though it was entirely his fault. Vince had been trying to get off with his new girlfriend, although he shouldn't have reacted so badly. It was just a kiss…

"_It was just a kiss!" Vince had cried, outraged. Howard thought it was more than that, though, and despite his protests, leaned in to kiss him again. So this was what he had been compressing inside all of these years. _

_He loved Vince._

_When he hadn't seemed all that keen and shoved Howard away, he tried not to show that he was hurt. When the pencil-case girl from the party had returned, he had gone into the shop with her and they had talked for a while, until she had lost her nerve and given her friend the five euros back, willing to face losing the bet rather than go further than just the conversation._

_Howard hadn't spoken to Vince for hours after that, and they returned to their usual state of bickering and annoying each other. Vince went out almost every night, so Howard was by himself in the flat most of the time._

_They hadn't mentioned the kiss again, although it played on Howard's mind whenever he so much as glanced at his best friend. After making the shocking revelation that he was in love with him, Howard was so embarrassed that he had actually stayed in the living room and slept on the sofa for four nights until his back began to protest. Then, without discussion, he had moved back in with Vince, who was too drunk to notice he'd even been gone._

The next morning dawned too early for Vince's liking. He hadn't slept properly – tossing and turning all night before settling into a nightmare that seemed to revolve around his argument with Howard.

When he finally dragged himself out of bed and went through to the bathroom to shower, Naboo stopped him in the living room, refusing to meet his eyes and looking slightly shifty.

"What is it, Naboo? Only you're always bugging me to get up and open the shop and now you're stopping me from doing it!" Vince didn't mean to sound so harsh, but the words had slipped out anyway.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about, actually," Naboo said quietly. Vince sighed.

"I know I'm a bit late, Naboo, I just haven't slept properly an'-"

"No, it isn't that. It's… I've told Howard he has to work the rest of the week."

Vince just stood there, dumbfounded, staring blankly at the shaman.

"An' he agreed?"

"Yeah. He's down there now-"

Vince could have hugged him. Instead, he abandoned the shower, and flew down to the shop in his pyjamas.

"Howard, Howard, Howard-" Vince cut off when he saw the older man hunched over the counter, packing things away in a cardboard box. Upon closer inspection, Vince realized he was taking Stationary Village down and arranging it neatly in the box.

"Howard…" Vince trailed off. He had imagined never seeing him again, and also imagined all of the things he'd say if he ever came back. Now, standing in front of him in his pyjamas, with his hair tangled and messy, words evaded him.

He could only stare as Howard looked up sadly.

"Howard…" His name seemed to be the only word on his lips, "I… I'm so sorry, Howard. I know you hate me but please, I haven't stopped thinking about you, and I'm sorry… for everything."

Howard didn't reply, and Vince wasn't sure that he'd heard him. He sank down in a chair and watched as he scooped Paperclip Castle into the box.

"Howard, you don't have to do that. You don't have to leave. I won't even speak to you, if you prefer. I'll just sit here an' be quiet. Please don't go, Howard, I'm sorry. I don't want to live here without you. Please come back. I swear, I won't pick fights and I won't bother you an' you can play your jazz records as loudly as you want."

Still nothing. Vince sighed, running a nervous hand through his sleep tousled hair.

"Howard? Please don't ignore me, I'm begging you. Please, just talk to me!"

It was doing no good. Vince was getting the silent treatment, and he hated it.

He decided to move closer. Howard couldn't possibly resist his puppy dog eyes, could he? Not if he batted his lashes enough, smiled his perfect smile… After all, who could resist the undisputable charms of Vince Noir?

"Howard, I know you don't want to hear this, and I never thought I'd have the courage to say this out loud, but…" _It's now or never, Vince. Make him see the truth. _"I love you, Howard Moon. I- I think I'm in love with you."

There. He'd said it.

And still hadn't gotten a reaction from his former best friend.

He slumped over the counter as the tears stung his eyes, blurring his vision. He should go upstairs and shower, dress in something outrageous. Maybe then Howard would see that all the dressing up, the hair products… They were just for him. Vince didn't care about impressing anyone else, as long as he had Howard.

He didn't have the energy to move. He heard Howard scatting under his breath, and his head snapped up. Seriously? Scat at a time like this?

He realized then, why Howard hadn't listened to a word he said.

He was plugged into his iPod.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter eleven, guys! Things are heating up! I'm not sure how long is left of this one, actually. A few more chapters, at least. I'm trying to get to the point, now, I guess, but this is KIND of a filler chapter.**

**IceySummer - Okay, I'm not sure if you actually have an account on here, but if you do, you totally have to give me your username and stuff so I can PM you :) I wondered where my lost twin had gone! I peeked under the bed, just in case, but I couldn't see you anywhere! I'm joking, of course, but you sound awesome! We should talk on here, definitely. And maybe I could read some of your stuff? And, yeah, I do have exams this week - maths on Wednesday, Spanish and Geography on Monday. Urgh. I've just had loads, as well. I want to hear about you, too, since you've read my profile!**

**thejigsawtimess - Thank you ever so much for sticking with this fic! I promise things will get good soon! I love you for all your reviews and encouragement! 3**

**And Rachel, of course - Uh, thanks for reading this, I s'pose. I don't know why you are, but y'know, I appreciate it :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except Evelyn (who is being quite mean, actually). Oh and I also technically own the customer mentioned in this chapter ;) He wanted me to tell you that he's his own man, though :)**

**Love you guys!**

The rest of the week flew by. When Vince actually bothered to show up to work and didn't just sneak around the back to head to Top Shop, he'd just sit in his usual chair and flip through the pages of a magazine. He'd tried everything to get Howard's attention, but the older man was still ignoring him, and when Vince turned the portable stereo up to a deafening volume, he'd simply walked out.

He stopped trying after that.

On the last day, it was raining, and Vince came down to the shop (empty as usual – he couldn't remember when they had last had a customer) feeling glum. He'd been counting off the days he had left with Howard, and now that he'd probably never see him again… He felt like he had to make it up to him. He just didn't know how.

Stationary Village was long gone, Vince realized with a heavy feeling in his stomach. He'd made fun of Howard countless times because of his neat arrangement, but now that it wasn't there anymore… he missed it.

An hour passed, and not a single word was exchanged between the two. Vince played snake on his mobile and texted Leroy about an upcoming party, but apart from that, he didn't make any effort to do anything but sit and stare at the wall. When the new issue of Cheekbone arrived, he made sure to make as much noise as possible when opening the shop door to take the magazine from the delivery ninja and spent at least five minutes chatting to him about how he had a jacket exactly like the one on the cover.

"Thanks, mate! See you later! Bye!" Vince called down the street before slamming the door shut and flopping back in his seat. Howard hadn't even looked up. Vince sighed heavily – things really weren't going to work out for him, were they?

Finally, just before they were about to close for lunch, a customer arrived. Vince shot up from his chair and practically offered a tour around the tiny shop, pointing out all of the stock that he thought was pretty interesting (there were some mixed tapes he'd put together from when he and Howard were in a band, and he thought they were an accurate display of electro and jazz combined). Howard glanced up at this, so he carried on.

"I mean, we did some amazin' stuff back then. Howard here was on fire – throwin' shapes, you should've seen 'im! Pretty impressive," Vince said, hands on hips. Howard managed a tiny smile, and Vince's heart leapt.

"We did a couple of gigs locally, actually. You know the Velvet Onion?"

"Er, mate, I-"

"We played there nearly every week. I think some of our old posters are still there. We shaped modern music, mate. I mean, obviously not all the shitty chart stuff, but, y'know, the dark underground scene-"

"I was actually just looking to see Naboo, if he's around? Says he's got some hash cakes left over from the weekend."

"Oh," Vince's face fell, but he tried to hide his disappointment with a beaming grin, "He's right upstairs. Through there, mate, first door on the left."

"Thanks," the man turned to go, and stopped himself before he left the room completely, "You know, I wouldn't mind one of those tapes, as well. How much d'you want?"

"Er…" Vince wasn't sure. He hadn't even intended to sell the mixes before today, "Five euros?"

"All right, cheers."

Howard was completely unable to hide his shock as money exchanged hands and the man left the shop to climb the stairs. Vince grinned triumphantly.

"Told ya I'd sell somethin' soon, Howard!" he blurted, forgetting himself. Howard tried to hide his smile, but didn't completely succeed.

"Yeah, you were right," Howard muttered, and Vince thought he was going to burst with happiness, especially when he added in a murmur, "Well done, little man."

"I'd say it's about lunchtime. D'you want to, er, grab a bite to eat?"

"W-with you?" Vince choked, certain he sounded like an infatuated schoolgirl with a crush, but blushing anyway.

"Yeah," Howard said, "I mean, if you wanted to. If not I can just go by myself-"

"No! I-I want to. I'd love to," Vince stammered, practically hopping with excitement and elation.

"Right," Howard replied, slightly awkwardly. They stood for a few more seconds before Vince said, "You comin', then, or do I have to close the shop myself?"

The café was bustling with people when Vince and Howard sat down with their food. They'd chosen the small coffee shop because it wasn't far from the shop, and they could rush back if there happened to be some dire emergency – not that it was very likely. Usually they'd go up to the flat for lunch – Howard would cook, of course, since all Vince had really mastered in the kitchen was cereal with sweets sprinkled on top – but under the circumstances, they'd opted to go out.

Vince took a sip of his tea (sweetened with three sugars and a hearty splash of milk) and unwrapped the sandwich he'd bought. It looked a bit boring, but he wasn't in the mood to argue or beg Howard to go to Subway for a 'who can make the most outrageous sandwich without laughing at the cashier' contest.

"So how's your new place workin' out for ya?" Vince asked as innocently as possible as he tucked into the sandwich. Howard couldn't meet his eyes as he started on his own – something salady on brown bread.

"It's, er, it's great," he lied, staring at the table. Despite Evelyn's attempts to make it more homey with fancy lighting and the new double bed they'd ordered, it didn't _feel _like home. Cardboard boxes were currently stacked everywhere, and they'd bought a couch from a charity shop because it was on sale, but there were holes in the fabric and it smelled like ancient sweat and moth balls.

"Right. How's Evelyn?" Again, the question was raised innocently, but a line of sweat appeared on Howard's forehead.

"She's fine." He spoke through gritted teeth, and again forced himself to relax.

"Listen, Vince, I wanted to talk to you about… Well, I know things have been… tense, between us lately, and I know that's mostly my fault, but-"

"No, Howard, wait. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for everythin'. I don't blame you for sayin' what you said – I guess I deserved it," Vince was still staring intently at the sandwich in his hands, "But I didn't kiss her. I swear."

Over the last few days, Vince had analyzed the kiss from every possible angle, and still hadn't come up with any answers. He had even managed to convince himself that _he _had been the one to initiate it – but that was insane. He knew what had happened – he was certain of it.

"Vince, I didn't come here to argue. I don't want that. I'm sorry for what I said – I didn't mean it, not the last part. But I wanted to tell you something."

Vince's curiosity won out over the feeling of dread that had settled in his stomach, "Go on," he urged. Howard took a deep breath and a swig of coffee before continuing.

"I'm going to ask her to marry me."

Vince couldn't speak. He choked on the bite of sandwich he had just taken, and took a gulp of his tea so he didn't spew food all over the table.

"Vince? Are you okay?" Howard actually sounded concerned, which was a good sign. Vince nodded quickly, covering his face with a napkin.

"Fine," he lied, "Howard, don't… don't you think it's a bit… soon?"

"I knew you'd say that," Howard whispered. Vince immediately felt bad for his best friend, and tried to withdraw the comment.

"I mean… are you sure about it? About _her_?"

"I-I think so. Vince, I love her. And… she's been dropping quite a few hints, actually," Howard said, remembering the dress in the bottom of Evelyn's suitcase and the fact that she had casually brought up the subject of engagement the night before. And he wasn't lying – he loved Evelyn, or at least he thought he did. She had nothing on Vince, of course, but what were the chances of the unrequited love being noticed, let alone acted upon? Besides, he and Evelyn were utterly perfect for each other. They held complicated discussions about the development of jazz, and she had suggested turning the spare room in the apartment into a storeroom for the records – from his collection and her own. She even appreciated classic film.

She was perfect.

Except…

Something wasn't right. Something Howard couldn't quite put his finger on. She had… episodes. Nothing drastic, just sometimes her perfect façade would slip, and she'd let out a comment about how obsessed Howard appeared to be with Vince, when he'd mentioned the state he'd left him in the other day. She'd scream if something didn't go right in the kitchen, and she'd reeled off a list of curse words when one of the light bulbs had exploded, and yelled at Howard when he'd tried to fix it and almost fell off the chair.

But apart from that, she was everything he wanted.

Everything but Vince.


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay, so this chapter wasn't supposed to come so soon, to be honest, but I didn't see that there was any sense in drawing this out any longer, not since so many of you guessed my 'twist'! But there's more to come, I promise! I'm quite happy with how things are turning out, so despite the fact that this wasn't supposed to happen... I'll be spontaneous! Um, so stick with me, guys. All will be revealed ;) I'm sorry if my plot was a bit crappy, by the way. I'm not usually this predictable, but my imagination was being a dick today. But as I said - more sort-of twists to come! **

**Reviews are honestly, like, perfection.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! **

They didn't get back until late, but that was perfect. They'd been shopping. Apart from the fact that Vince was with him when he got back to the shop, the plan was running just as smoothly as she could have hoped for.

Evelyn waited in Vince's chair and watched them walk across the street, laden with shopping bags. She'd been watching all morning, since they'd left the café and walked further into London. They'd gone to Oxford Street first. She was glad – the shops up there were exactly to her standards. She wasn't going to mess around with cheap shit, not when things were just getting serious.

She pretended to be reading when they came in. Howard was the first to notice her, and his face became slightly flushed as he tried to explain the bags – like he even needed to.

"Evelyn! What are you doing here?" He was trying to sound cheery, she observed, but the thready nerves beneath were obvious. She put on her best smile and looked up at him.

"You were late home, and I just wanted to check that everything was okay, so I came by the shop. I hope you don't mind?"

"O-of course I don't. Vince, er, wanted me to take him shopping."

Vince nodded, painting on a grin, "The summer sales are on already! Genius!"

"Of course he did," Evelyn muttered, her eyes portraying her disgust for the younger man. She stood gracefully from the chair and smoothed down her skirt.

Vince wasted no time – grabbing the bags from Howard and rushing to place them behind the counter. Evelyn cringed at the thought of his hands touching _her _things.

"So... is everything all right?" Howard asked, stepping closer. She wanted nothing more than for him to envelope her in a warm hug right now, but she stood her ground.

"Yes, darling. Shouldn't it be?"

"Well, er, I, er-" Howard was easily silenced with a kiss. He relaxed against her quickly, and Evelyn could almost forget that Vince was still in the room. He was easily disposed of, anyway. There was no point worrying about him now.

"Shall we head home? Or do you want to stay here talking all night?" Evelyn asked with what she hoped was a cheeky smile. Howard couldn't resist that smile, she knew.

"Well, er, I was just going to sort some things out upstairs…" Sensing he meant her gifts, she nodded, stepping back from him, still smiling.

"That's fine. Should I wait here for you, or…?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind. I'd invite you up, but it's a mess upstairs…"

"I don't mind at all," Evelyn said sincerely, reaching up for one last kiss before she allowed the pair to climb the stairs to the flat. It annoyed her to see her future fiancé with his childish and ignorant 'best friend', especially after she'd set up their argument so nicely… but it seemed they couldn't stay mad at each other, despite her best efforts to keep them apart.

Evelyn couldn't wait to get home. She was twitching with excitement and anticipation as she nervously checked her reflection in one of the mirrors on sale in the shop. She remembered that this was Howard's last day – he'd be all hers from now on. Everything would work out perfectly, she could feel it.

The pretense would only have to go on for a few more days, at the most. She'd arranged the venue already, certain that no man could resist her charms, especially when she turned them on full. She'd done it before, and she'd do it again. Thinking of all the things left to sort out, and all the things that might go wrong sent Evelyn into a slight panic, but she muffled it best she could and forced herself to concentrate on the matter at hand. In order for things to go smoothly tonight, she'd taken precautions. One more left, though. She rummaged in her purse for the potion – there was hardly any left now, she'd been using it so frequently – and uncapped it. Taking a deep breath and trying to ignore the smell, she held her nose and tipped her head back, taking a swig. It tasted as rancid as it smelled, but she was used to it by now. She watched the potion take effect, watching as her hair began to gleam again and her eyes shone. She applied another coat of lip gloss and fixed her shirt collar before returning to the stockroom behind the counter to check that things were still going well on the home front.

She could feel herself slipping away when the lights went out, and no matter how close she snuggled to Howard, she couldn't stop shivering. She needed to leave the bedroom, needed to be alone, but she didn't want to leave him. He was hers now, all hers. But not for much longer, unless she did something about it.

She slipped out of bed and crept through to the bathroom, flicking on the light as she did so. Every step was almost painful – she was losing herself. Shaking, she stared into the mirror and watched her reflection transform, unable to hold it off any longer. She couldn't hide who she was forever. She needed to replenish her supply of the potion she'd been given, but she couldn't venture out of the flat looking like this… like _him_.

Howard didn't want her – _him_ – like this. He wanted Evelyn, beautiful, graceful, perfect Evelyn, who liked jazz and film and romantic evenings out. It was just too bad that she – _he _– couldn't transform completely. Like Cinderella, bound to become what she had tried to hide at midnight.

Okay, so things weren't that exact – that didn't mean she – _he – _wasn't completely dependent on the potion. Every four hours, unless your image will falter and you'll become just who you were trying so hard not to become.

Still trembling, she – _he – _downed the last of the potion – just a few drops, not nearly enough to keep this up for much longer. She – _he – _needed to go. Evelyn threw on a coat and ran out of the apartment, trying to leave who she was behind.

It was easy, to beg for more. Painfully easy. He crumbled in front of her, as desperate for revenge as she was for love. Parting ways wasn't difficult, either – neither one wanted to be in the presence of the other for longer than was necessary. Taking a nervous sip of the fresh bottled potion, Evelyn made her way back to the apartment, hoping against hope that Howard hadn't woken up yet, and that she could keep him for a little while longer. During the journey, she remembered the evening, the look in his eyes while he was down on one knee. Everything had been perfect – the ring, the candles, the candlelit dinner. She had said yes immediately, of course. There was no room for hesitation – and what reason did she have to hesitate? Except for the fact that Howard wanted _Vince _to be best man at their wedding, everything was perfect.

And the date was set for next week. There was no time to slow things down, not when she'd already spent so much time pouring over magazines and picking the perfect place, the perfect cars, flowers, outfits. Her dress was in her wardrobe ready – she'd made sure that he'd seen it back in the hotel, when he'd been putting her things away. She'd spent so long searching for that dress, remembering that the last one was ruined that fateful day when she – _he – _had lost Howard seemingly forever.

Because that's all she'd ever be, the unwanted sea monster that hid away at the bottom of Black Lake. The one that Howard didn't want. She remembered the good times they had had together that day, on the boat, in the cave, and then to be bitterly rejected when the electro ponce had stormed into her – _his_ – home and stolen her – _his – _Howard away… She had followed, of course, but hadn't gotten very far. She – _he _– wasn't meant to exist for long above water, and clinging to the roof of the van hadn't helped much. Now that she had the potion, though, everything would be fine. She and Howard would be happy together. This time he wouldn't run away from their engagement – this time he welcomed it. He had initiated it, after all. What could possibly go wrong, now that the electro ponce had no back-up?

This time, she wouldn't force anything upon him. She would give him time – not like _he_ had. Take things slow, as soon as the plan had been effectively carried out. This time, she would be perfect, flawless Evelyn.

Except she wasn't flawless. And she certainly wasn't Evelyn.

_I'm Ol' Gregg, _she thought miserably.

The sentence would haunt her for as long as she lived.

**IceySummer - I'm so very sorry that I deleted your last review... but I kind of wanted to keep the secret to anyone else who might be reading? What can I say? You sound really awesome. And I have Science ISAs coming up this term, too - 3 of them, like you! I'm dreading the Physics one especially. It's so brilliant that we share the same interests - and I love meeting people who are as enthusiastic about writing and stuff as I am! **

**thejigsawtimess - I'm betting this was one of your theories, right? Ahaha - I'm sorry for keeping you hanging! I love you because you've reviewed nearly every chapter, and also because you're such an awesome writer yourself! Don't worry, this isn't the end - there's more heartbreak to come, I'm betting :)**

**I'll try to update The Slow Descent Into Madness tonight as well, although I'm not sure if I'll have time to post it and everything... I just had to get this chapter up!**

**The review button is crying for you to click on him! Look! How can you resist that face?**


	13. Chapter 13

**All I can do is apologise for the amount of time it took me to update Hitched. I am so, SO sorry! I just lost all inspiration for it and I couldn't really think of what to write. There isn't really that much happening in this chapter, but at least it's here, right? **

**Um, a huge, massive, gigantic thank you to all of you who have reviewed (I'm not sure why you want me to carry on, but also a colossal thanks to IceySummer (I'm also sorry because your new username won't paste here, it keeps deleting itself) for giving me a huge kick up the butt and for telling me to carry on with this)... Just thanks to all of you, seriously! Love you guys loads!**

**And more reviews might just encourage me to post another chapter soon... *Grins evilly* The next one might even be longer - this one's a bit on the short side. Sorry about that.**

**God, I keep apologising! Sorry!**

**Disclaimer: None of it's mine, nothing, zip, nada.**

Howard thought that something was wrong as soon as he awoke in an empty bed. _That's strange_, he thought to himself, frowning, _I'm sure Evelyn came to bed at the same time as I did…_

Slowly, he dragged himself up off the mattress and threw on a dressing gown to protect him against the cold flat. The central heating didn't work, and although Evelyn had assured him that she would 'get someone on it' as soon as possible, he wasn't sure that it was good to be sleeping in there with the horrible draught floating in through the floorboards. At least they had a bed now – the sleeping bags had been uncomfortable because the floor was so uneven, so Evelyn had gone shopping for real furniture when Howard had offered her his credit card – unsurprisingly, his wages from working back at the shop hadn't stretched far, but they'd managed to grab the essentials.

Evelyn wasn't in the living room, either, or the bathroom. He switched the kettle on in the kitchen and paced back and forth while he waited for it to boil, wondering where the hell she could have gone at four in the morning.

Another hour ticked by, and Howard occupied himself by slumping on the moth eaten couch and flicking the TV on, although he didn't really watch it. All the awful possibilities of what could have happened were flying through his mind – what if she'd been hit by a car, or she'd been mugged or attacked, or what if she'd simply changed her mind about the whole affair, decided it was too soon to get married and fled?

XXX

Vince couldn't sleep, although he was exhausted. Shopping with Howard for wedding stuff had been excruciating – he'd only managed it because his friend had looked so happy. He was practically glowing as he selected 'the perfect ring' and showed it off to Vince. And Vince was trying, _really _trying, to be happy for him, but he hadn't quite managed it.

Now, at quarter past four in the morning, he tossed and turned in his single bed and wished that he had someone to snuggle up to in the pressing darkness.

He was the only one in the flat – there had been no sign of either Naboo or Bollo since that morning. Thinking about it, Vince couldn't actually remember them leaving, so they must have snuck out on the carpet without warning him, probably to 'have it large' at another Shaman only stag weekend. They were happening more and more frequently lately, although there couldn't be that many stag parties, could there?

_Shit, _Vince thought, remembering, _I'm supposed to arrange Howard's stag party, aren't I? _He hadn't really expected it, but Howard had asked him to be best man at the wedding, and, unable to find an excuse worthy of seeing pain flash through his best friend's eyes, he had accepted. Now, thinking of all the ridiculously awful consequences of that decision, Vince wrapped himself in his duvet and padded out into the kitchen to make himself a coffee.

There was no note from Naboo telling him where he'd gone, which was weird. He usually left a note. Vince frowned in the middle of pouring hot water into a mug, certain now that something was going on. They couldn't have simply disappeared into thin air, could they?

Vince thought about phoning round to see if anyone knew where his flatmates had gotten to, but he worried that he would seem like an overly protective parent and thought better of it. After all, they were grown men – okay, a grown Shaman and a gorilla – they were perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. Sighing, Vince settled on the couch with his coffee and drew his knees close to his chest.

That's when he heard the sound, coming from somewhere downstairs. A scream.

XXX

As soon as Evelyn was through the front door, Howard pounced on her. She was alarmed to find him sitting on the couch with his hands wrapped around a cold mug of tea, but she pinned her most caring and innocent expression to her face when she noticed he was out of bed.

"Hi, honey, is everything all right?" she asked sweetly. Howard stood up, abandoning the tea on the floor.

"What- All right? _All right_? How d'you expect everything to be _all right_, after all the worry you've put me through?"

Despite his anger, Evelyn couldn't help but smile at his concern. This was all she – _he –_ wanted, really, to be loved, cared for, _needed_.

"I'm sorry, darling, I just went for a walk, to, er, clear my head. Couldn't sleep."

"You've been gone for _hours_!" Howard thundered, seething. Evelyn crossed to where he stood, trembling, and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his chest.

"I'm so sorry, Howard, I didn't mean to make you worry. I'm sorry."

"It- it's okay. I was just… I thought you'd gone for good, I thought…"

"I would never leave you," she promised, kissing him quickly on the chin before going through to the bedroom.

"We should get some sleep. We've got a big week ahead of us – lots to prepare," she reminded him, kicking off her shoes and throwing herself back into the nest of pillows they'd created at the end of the bed when they had tossed them away before going to sleep.

"Yeah," Howard echoed, coming to lie beside her. She trailed kisses down his neck, exploring his chest with her hands, her tongue, before finally turning out the light and letting nature take its course.

XXX

Vince threw himself off the couch and launched himself downstairs. The shop was empty, everything was exactly as he had left it the night before. There hadn't been a break-in, at least. No shattered glass, no overturned shelves. It was all intact.

So where had the scream come from?

Another scream jolted Vince to his senses and he turned immediately to the stock room. The door was closed, and locked, when Vince experimentally rattled the handle. He knew there was a spare key around here somewhere, Howard had always insisted on keeping one around… Ah! There, next to a large box full of extravagant hats. He fumbled with the key in the lock for a few seconds before yanking the door open and blinking in the sudden pitch black darkness.

It took a few seconds for Vince's vision to adjust, and then shapes began to form in front of his eyes… Shapes that looked mysteriously like his flatmates, crumpled on the floor in defeated positions, half propped against the wall but not quite.

"What the hell is goin' on?" Vince asked, incredulous. Either they were stoned again and had gotten trapped down here by accident, or… Vince shuddered at the other option.

"Vince, thank God," Naboo muttered, heaving himself up off the floor like nothing had happened, and casually striding out of the stock room. Vince just frowned, looking from the tiny Shaman to Bollo's still form in the stock room and back again.

"What happened?" Vince asked again, and Naboo shrugged.

"I told ya I didn't like the look of that Evelyn."

"She-she did this?" Vince sounded distant. Naboo rolled his eyes.

"Of course she did."

"What- Would you just explain, please? I'm tired, I've not slept an'-"

"Right, right, fine," Naboo sounded like this was just another minor inconvenience that he would just have to deal with, "When you two were upstairs, we came down and she was sittin' there like she owned the place, an' before I could do anythin' she whipped out some powder stuff that I had in my cabinet – oh, and Vince, how the hell did she get in there, by the way? I told you to protect that key!" Vince had a second to look guiltily down at his feet before Naboo continued, "Anyway, that stuff's meant to knock you out, and she bloody knew what it was for, as well – I knew it was a bad idea labellin' those bottles – and then she must've locked us in the stock room. I didn't have a key and Bollo's bloody useless, he didn't wake up the whole time, so I just waited until I knew you could hear me."

Vince let him tell the story before sinking into a chair and blowing his hair out of his eyes. This was all Evelyn's fault. What the hell was she playing at? She already had Howard, she had him in her evil clutches and they were going to get married, and Vince… Vince would be left behind again, just like he had when Howard had gone off to be an actor and he'd been stuck in the shop by himself.

"What are we gonna do, Naboo? What does she want with 'im?"

"Er, Vince… I'm not sure that she is a 'she'."


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

It took all of Vince's strength not to storm out of the shop and run round to Howard's flat to scream what he had just learned at his best friend and drag him as far away from that place as he could… Except Vince didn't actually know where the new flat was, and Howard still wasn't answering his calls. Plus, he decided that he should probably heed Bollo's warning of having a 'bad feeling' this time – maybe hindsight would be a blessing. Besides, Naboo had warned him that Evelyn – no, make that Old Gregg – would try to kill him if he got too near.

So this was how Vince ended up spending the early hours of the morning on the couch with the mug of tea he'd attempted to brew earlier, watching the news for three hours. He began to wonder why the stories began repeating themselves, and why another programme hadn't come on yet, and then realized he had one of the permanent news channels switched on. Sighing, he reached out for the remote to change it, but Naboo stopped him by grabbing his hand.

"Leave it on, you ball-bag, there might be somethin' important."

What, like a local murder taking place by a transsexual sea-monster? Yeah, because the reporters would pick up on something like that. Still, Vince didn't comment. He just stared stonily at the TV screen and waited for the sun to rise.

XXX

The days passed too slowly for Vince's liking. He hadn't seen Howard since he'd left that time with Evelyn, and he craved contact with his best friend even more than he craved the latest issue of _Cheekbone,_ which was due to arrive any second now.

And then, one glorious Thursday, the day before the wedding, Howard arrived on the doorstep of the shop with his overnight bags. This was it – the moment of truth. Vince's palms were sweating as he leapt from his chair to open the door… And found Howard standing there, all in one piece, with Evelyn's arm looped through his own.

Vince had to bite his tongue and let them both inside, remembering Naboo's warning about her trying to kill him. Speaking through gritted teeth, Vince offered them both tea and asked, in as polite a tone as he could muster, what Evelyn was doing there.

"Well, since Evelyn doesn't really know anyone around here, we couldn't really throw a hen party… so she's coming on the stag night with us. I hope you don't mind, Vince, I just didn't want her to be alone…"

"Mmm," Vince agreed, still seething, "I thought she had friends in London?"

"Yeah, er, about that… Her family's a pretty delicate issue, and I couldn't get much out of her, but from what I can gather she's running away."

"Running away," Vince echoed, no longer trying to seem enthusiastic. He wanted to slap Howard around the head with the truth, but he couldn't put himself, or his best friend, for that matter, in danger. He wouldn't do that. Surely he'd get a chance to speak alone with Howard during the night?

"Yeah," Howard murmured, then clapped his hands together, "Right, so what have you got planned for tonight? That is, assuming you didn't forget. Like when you 'forgot' to pack food when we went on that trip, or when you 'forgot' to put the rubbish out properly, or when-"

"I didn't forget, okay?" Vince cried, cutting Howard off mid-sentence. The two men glowered at each other for a few more seconds before Vince shoved a steaming cup of tea into Howard's outstretched hand and carried another over to Evelyn, taking extra care to pretend that the liquid spilling onto her new coat was an accident.

"We're going clubbing," Vince grinned, genuinely this time. Vince always felt at home in the dim atmosphere with the smoke puffing out from the stage and gathering around his ankles, the music pounding around him, enveloping him. Bodies pressing against either side of him, moving to the beat of whatever new band had taken up the stage. Just the mere thought of being in whichever club took the fancy of the Camden Elite that week made Vince feel better about the whole Evelyn thing.

It was just a pity Howard didn't feel the same way.

"Clubbing? Vince, this is supposed to be my stag night, not just another night in the life of Vince Noir. I was thinking more of a night in, maybe invite Lester round, play some jazz…"

"Howard, I'm your best man, yeah? Trust my judgement, just for one night, all right? If you hate it that much, we can leave early, but just give it chance, yeah?"

Howard grumbled a bit but didn't protest anymore. Vince went through to the bedroom to find his outfit already laid out on the bed – he'd arranged it earlier. It was perfect. Those skinny jeans and the right eyeshadow and maybe Howard wouldn't be able to resist him anymore. It wasn't as if Evelyn had bothered to dress up for the occasion – she was wearing a plain skirt and a cream blouse, and looked almost as boring as Howard did. Hopefully they'd both packed new outfits and he wouldn't be seen by any of his other friends with so much beige in tow.

Vince dressed quickly, humming to himself, feeling more optimistic than he had in days. His make-up was done in record time, and although his hair took a bit longer, he was done in less than an hour.

Howard _had _changed his clothes – he looked rather dashing in a black shirt and trousers. Howard in black wasn't something Vince had ever seen before, save for that disastrous night with the Goth girls, and it broke Vince's heart to know that Howard might never be his.

Still, he told himself cheerily, no-one could resist the charms of Vince Noir, Rock n' Roll Star for long.

XXX

The club was just as Howard had envisioned it to be – loud, packed, and boiling hot. Added to the fact that he could hardly see the space in front of him with only the strobe lighting for assistance, it was more of a living hell than his idea of a stag night.

Vince ordered the drinks while Evelyn towed Howard to the dance floor. He was too exhausted to argue, and simply let her lead him to the area by the stage. The people all around him were relentless – pressing in at all angles and allowing him no personal space whatsoever. He downed the martini that Vince handed to him in one, in the hope of forgetting the mania that surrounded him. Whatever noise that blasted from the speakers dotted around the room that apparently passed for music was giving him a headache already, and Evelyn was _really _starting to annoy him when she clung to his arm like that… He couldn't really remember why he'd agreed to let her come. It wasn't as if either of them wanted her there, really. She'd said she had nowhere else to go, and Howard couldn't just leave her in that damp flat all by herself… Now he rather wished he had.

"Howard, why don't you come and sit down for a bit? Leave Evelyn to… mingle?" Vince suggested, taking Howard by the sleeve and starting over to one of the corner booths. They were all full, but he and Vince squeezed in beside a couple who were sitting in each others' laps and shoving their tongues down each others' throats.

"Howard, there's somethin' I've got to tell you, it's really important-" Vince began, only to be cut off by Evelyn's arrival.

"Hi, guys! Aren't you coming back over to dance? We're meant to be having fun, y'know? Last free night an' everything?"

_Yeah, but I'm not free while you're here, am I?_ Howard thought spitefully, then silenced his internal monologue in case it started projecting itself into the room again – not that there was any chance it would be heard over the loud music.

"Er, we'll be over in a minute, love. Why don't you get yourself another drink?" Howard said as gently as he could without his voice being drowned out. Vince smirked.

"I'm not thirsty, actually, honey. I'll just sit with you here for a bit, yeah?"

_Oh, great_, Howard thought miserably. This really couldn't get any worse.

XXX

Vince had tried, he really had. Since Evelyn had plonked herself on Howard's other side, he'd tried whispering in his friend's ear only to have Howard yell that he couldn't hear Vince over the music, and that he felt uncomfortable with Vince's saliva in his ear. He'd tried going to the bathroom and dragging Howard with him, to be shot down by his friend who said he'd prefer to stay in the booth with Evelyn, who was draped over him like a rag doll. He'd tried 'nipping outside' for a bit of fresh air only to have the blasted woman follow them. There was no middle ground, no compromise. Vince couldn't get a word in.

It was only when Howard decided, _finally, _that he needed the toilet, that Vince's heavy heart picked itself up off the floor for a second.

Until Evelyn grabbed his arm and pinned him against the wall.

"Listen here, Vince. I know what you know - what you _think _you know – and I'm warning you. Say a word to my fiancé and I will murder you. I will mount your pretty little head on a wall and frame it above our fireplace. Do you understand me?" Vince tried to think straight with a knife pressed against his throat, but he couldn't. Finally, after a long moment of silence, he found his voice.

"Oh yeah? And what would Howard say if you killed me, eh?"

"Oh, Vince, you're so naïve. If I can't have Howard, then nobody can. Let's just say he wouldn't find out about it, yeah? Because he'd be too dead to find out."

"You love him," Vince stated, trying to be brave with the blade against his throat.

"Yeah, well I could always lock us both in the house, yeah? He'll be mine either way – even if I have to kill him for it. So why not save everyone a lot of trouble and keep your mouth shut, yeah?"

All Vince could do was nod.

XXX


	15. Chapter 15

**I am SO SO SO SO sorry that I haven't posted ANYTHING in so long! I haven't reviewed much either, I'm SO sorry. I can't even use the excuse that I've been busy, because I totally haven't. Well, I sorta have. I've been going out and stuff. But today I was just sitting around playing solitaire. I'm SOOOOOO sorry. But here it is. This is probably the last filler chapter because hopefully the next chapter will be the wedding! Yay! But this one was necessary. I'll try to update The Slow Descent Into Madness ASAP as well. I'm sorry also because I feel like I'm dragging this out - I'm TRYING to end it, I promise. Anyway, as I said, the wedding shall be the next chapter. Or at least part of it. This one's a bit short, but I needed to get it out there.**

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed/favourited.**

**OH AND AS A LAST SIDE NOTE! I recently finished reading the Stockholm Syndrome trilogy, and I was wondering if anyone else has read it? Because I totally need people to discuss with. Oh and if someone could write a FanFic of it, that would be the most awesome thing ever. And if you haven't read it, you totally should. Unless you don't like that kind of thing. Anyway, I'll stop talking now because I'm pretty sure that I'm embarrassing myself slightly. So, yeah. Bye! Love and hugs and all that goodness.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of it.**

The evening seemed to stretch on forever. Vince tried to lose himself in the music and although he was pissed out of his mind, the thought of Evelyn pressing that knife to his throat kept plaguing his thoughts. The thought that Howard – _his _Howard – might be in danger made it even worse.

He silenced the thoughts by downing another vodka shot and dancing with the group of girls closest to him, praying that Howard would get bored soon and insist that they go home, where they would be rid of Evelyn once and for all, if Vince had anything to do with it.

As the hours went on, Vince managed to forget all about Evelyn with his fifth shot of vodka and his seventh flirtini.

XXX

It was three o' clock in the morning when the three stumbled back to the shop, with Evelyn leaning heavily on Howard's shoulder and Vince walking slightly ahead of them, eager to get back to safety just in case Evelyn tried anything. Hopefully she would be too drunk to notice if Vince tried to have a word with Howard in private…

"I'll call you a cab, shall I?" Howard slurred, reaching in his pocket for his mobile only to find it missing.

"Nah, it's all right, I'll just kip in your flat, yeah?" Evelyn smiled, gazing sleepily up at her fiancé. Vince watched, sickened by the sight, as Howard tried to remove her from his person.

"But… bad luck an' all that, isn't it, to see you before the wedding?" Howard tried desperately. Evelyn giggled.

"Bit late for that, isn't it? Anyway, I'll sleep on the couch, okay? I'll be gone before you wake up."

The three trooped upstairs to be met with an empty flat. Naboo and Bollo must have gone out – actually, they were probably hiding from Evelyn. If she found out that they'd gotten out of the stock room she might try something worse than just locking them up.

"I'll, er, get you a blanket," Vince offered, dashing through to the bedroom and opening Howard's old wardrobe, where they now stored the fresh linen. It took five agonizing minutes, filled with worrying that Howard would offer Evelyn his old bed and sleep on the sofa and then Vince would be stuck in a room with her for a whole night, during which absolutely anything could happen, to throw a fresh cover on the duvet and locate two fairly clean pillows. Thankfully, Howard seemed so eager to get rid of Evelyn that he had exchanged his usual gentlemanly manner for a whole new outlook, and he all but stormed through to the bedroom once Vince had thrust the pillows at Evelyn.

Nobody bothered getting ready for bed – from what Vince could tell, in his drunken state, Howard was fuming and Evelyn was so loved up that she didn't realize it. There was a lot of slamming drawers for a bit on Howard's part, but by then Vince had crawled into his own bed and pulled the duvet up to his chin, trying to block out as much of the world as possible.

Time passed rather slowly by the time they were both in bed and the lights were out. Vince tried to sleep, but the little voice inside his head was screaming _you have to tell him_, and he was experiencing so many conflicting thoughts that his brain felt like it was being ripped apart from about five different angles.

"Howard?" he eventually whispered into the darkness. He felt his friend stir in the bed opposite.

"What?" Howard asked groggily. Vince winced.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?"

"No."

_O-kay_ _then_, Vince thought to himself, then cleared his throat.

"There's somethin' I've gotta tell you…"

"Can't it wait till morning?"

"Not really. It's… urgent."

"Oh, God, Vince, what is it? I'm _tired_, we've gotta be up at seven and it's already-" There was a pause, during which Howard glanced at the alarm clock on the chest of drawers, "-_five_."

"S-sorry. It's just-"

"Howard, sweetie?" a voice from the doorway floated into the room. Vince lost the ability to speak as they both turned to see Evelyn standing there, her hair mussed and her clothes rumpled.

"What?" Howard snapped, losing his patience. Vince tucked himself closer to the wall and cocooned himself in the duvet.

"Is there any toothpaste?"

"It's in the bathroom. By the sink. Exactly where toothpaste is _in every bathroom in every house in every country of the world_."

"Oh. Right."

'Why are you brushing your teeth at five o' clock in the morning?' seemed to be the obvious question, but nobody asked it. As soon as Evelyn stopped hovering in the doorway, Vince sighed and rolled over, trying to forget that he'd ever tried to tell Howard. He was putting them both in danger, it was stupid… And yet, he couldn't bear to imagine his best friend actually _marrying _that _creature…_

"Vince?" Howard whispered into the dark. Vince flinched. Howard hadn't forgotten.

"What was it that you wanted to tell me?"

"N-nothing," Vince stammered. How could he tell him now? With Evelyn lurking in the next room?

"It was obviously something, or else we wouldn't be having this discussion."

"It wasn't anythin'! Can't we just forget about it?"

"No," Howard said firmly, "Just tell me, Vince."

Vince took a deep breath. He'd have to tell him _something_, just to get him off his back… He'd just have to make something up. Yeah! He was good at that. He'd been making stuff up to entertain Howard for years now… Just one more little lie couldn't hurt, could it? At least until tomorrow, when Evelyn would be gone, and they'd have the flat to themselves…

"Vince?" Howard prompted. Vince glanced over to the shape of his best friend lying beside him, and said the only thing he could think of…

"I'm in love with you."

_Whoa. Where had that come from?_

XXX


End file.
